Rend

I've been having a hard time reading the Bible lately without looking words up. It's actually quite annoying because i don't have a dictionary and always have to do it on my phone. So, I need a dictionary.

But really, I don't know how I read the Bible before. All the words I look up are common words, that when read in context are easily figured out, but when you find the meaning it changes everything. (at least for me it does) I'll show you:

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christs behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2 corinthians 5:20

ambassadors: a diplomatic official of the highest rank appointed and accredited as representative in residence by one government or sovereign to another, usually for a specific length of time
: a diplomatic official heading his or her country's permanent mission.
Appeal: an earnest or urgent request, entreaty or supplication
Implore: to appeal to in supplication; beseech to beg for urgently; entreat
Reconcile: to reestablish a close relationship between.

So we look at it differently
We are therefore Christ's diplomatic official heading our permanent mission, as though God were making his urgent request through us. We beg you urgently on Christ's behalf: Reestablish a close relationship with God.

It just makes it more real to me.
Today i was reading joel. I came across the passage that says, "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."

I looked up Rend and found a meaning i wasn't expecting .... to tear or split apart or into pieces violently. And i thought to myself that God is constantly asking us to do that. To tear our hearts apart. I think sometimes our hearts get very cold and hard. When we voluntarily open our hearts to God, we have no choice but to let our hearts be torn apart, because that is exactly what He does when we let him... He is a jealous God. He wants all of our hearts, not pieces.

Onething09

It only feels right to blog about it...

So we are suppose to be at onething09 right now. I can't explain to you how I feel about it. It's sad, but it somehow feels right. I truly believe if God wanted us there, he would let us be there. But he really hasn't opened doors and I have to believe that is for a reason. I was looking at the schedule today and realized, we could still leave today because we'd still get a full day tuesday, wednesday, and thursday. And inside, my heart aches because I know it will be big. I got an email today from them telling me that Loren someone is coming last minute because he felt led to speak. He was with youth with a mission and My heart ached a little more. But like I said, it feels right in some sick and twisted way.

I'm intrigued by how spirit led ihop is. I really am. I haven't really seen this in such a big organization before and I want to be a part of it. Big time.

Emily the Weaseler.

First of all, I'm blogging 8 blogs because for some reason 8 came out of my mouth and I aspire to a better blogger than emily and she said that I had to do 8 because 8 came out of my mouth. And i told her not to hold me accountable to anything that I ever say, but she is.

Second of all, my blog's title was simply suppose to be Emily, but for some reason Emily the Weaseler came up highlighted and then it just stayed there. So I'm going to look up Weaseler and make sure its not bad and it might not even be a word... It's not a word, so it stays.

Emily is leaving me to live with her soon to be husband Jonathon Ketchum. And her new name will be Emily Renee Ketchum, which I think sounds good. She's not only leaving me, but she's moving all the way to California. So, two (maybe 3) good things come out of this. 1) I get a new friend because I'll no longer be friends with Emily Bickel but I will now be friends with Emily Ketchum. I just hope I like her as much as Emily Bickel. Only time will tell. 2) I get to hang out in California all the time. 3) Im deciding that there's more than 3 possible good things. 4) I will no longer have to deal with having no matching socks, but jon will :) sorry jon. 5) I'll get to hang out with a Little Jon or Little Emily when they decide to have babies in less than 8 years. 6) When Jon becomes more of a rockstar and I save up my money like I said I would, we'll get to go shopping in california, which I've never done before. 7)I'll actually get to hang out with zechariah because Emily won't be there to hog him.

So, I'm sure there are more than 7 amazing things that will happen when emily moves away. I'll keep you posted. But really, she's the most amazing friend I've ever had and I'll miss her dearly but Jon will be much more blessed than I to married to here soon! :)

belong

My entire life i feel like i've gone in and out of stages of belonging. Right now, i feel like i'm on the outside.

I think a vital part to being a Christian is belonging to a group of Christians and feeling at home (church). It's been very hard lately because i've been searching for a new Church to attend. Its rough going from church to church. It's almost tiring and the complete opposite of what Church should be. :/

So that's my life now and I don't feel like I can share more right now. Sorry :)

August 8, 2009

I've been sitting at Caribou for hours. I opened up my journal and this is what i wrote:
**
I often wonder how close we can come to You. And i know the answer is all up to us, but can we walk with you? Can i truly hear your voice and talk with you? I know you are there, but sometimes i don't hear you. Am I not listening? Am I unable to understand your language? How close can we come? Could I ever feel your hand touch mine?
**
I stopped writing because "The Stand" by Hillsong came on. Lyrics:
**
So what could i say?
So what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God,
completely to you.

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord, to you, surrendered
All I am is yours!
**
In this moment all I could hear was the voice of God telling me that this needs to be my creed. That I need to be completely His and I will find the answer to my question. Then, "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin, came on. Lyrics:
**
And I will rise
When He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise
**
Do I need to explain that? And finally I read Psalm 143. It is an amazing psalm. "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thrists for you like a parched land." and "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for i have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you i lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for i hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

Amen.

Gospel Conference Part 1

I of course was listening to a podcast from cornerstone in Simi Valley, California. This was the kick off of their conference right before easter this year. This guy Jeff V something or other was speaking. Amazing. He was a guest from out of town and his passion was amazing. He was so awsesome that 10 minutes into it, someone so kindly brought him water so he wouldn't die from being so excited. I could blog just about his great speaking, but it goes much deeper than that.

Here are some of the things that stood out to me:

1. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
Yes, I know that is a verse and very well known at that, but last night it truly popped. He went on to talk about sin and how long we dwell on it. Maybe when we first start out it can be days at a time before we go to the cross. I know when i first became a Christian i struggle a lot with forgiving myself for what had happened in the past and especially how i misrepresented Christ by even saying i was a Christian. Basically, we need to know that because Jesus died for us, if we linger over our sin for a few days, we are worshiping ourselves. We expect ourselves to be able to fix it and we are upset with ourselves. We need to recognize what Jesus did for us and undertand that we can't wait a single moment in sin, We are forgiven! We just need to ask.

2. "We do what he has called us to do because of what He did. And it was good. And it was enough."

3. "How does this work, we see to have our hope on heaven. Then, we live in today and we experience difficulty and we find ourselves completely living in this difficulty, completely dependent on ourselves, but we have no problem trusting God for eternity after death. Why do we do that?"

This really hit me, because it's so true. Especially in my life lately. With school and lack of money and other issues, it seems so easy to get wrapped up in my life. But how on earth, if i cannot trust my God for 90 odd years of my life, how can i trust him with the rest of eternity? It makes no sense. I'm done not trusting.

4. "God saved you so that HE can have what HE wants."

Amen.

P90X

Yesterday was the first day of my adventure with emily into P90X land. Let me tell you that we did yoga yesterday (separately) and it was SO boring and so long. I got really hungry mid-way through, and since i was so bored, i heated up my leftover bad for you cheeseburger, ate it, and continued on with the work out. Not a great start.
So, today thinking it will be better i planned on waking up early to do plyometrics and lo and behold, i did not wake up and here i am at work. My plan is to truly do it when i get home. Which i will, because i got excited today thinking about how in shape i will be! AWesome!

I'll give you my updates as needed :)

No Title Blogs are Sweet

I haven't blogged in some time now and it drives me nuts.  

I've felt the weight of a lot of things on my shoulders lately and somehow my time has been spent doing things that don't really matter.  It's funny how the devil can do that.  He makes us so busy doing things that we think are important and a week from now, we'll still be in the same spot, doing the same things.  I haven't spent time blogging.  I haven't spent time playing guitar.  I haven't spent time reading things other than the Bible.  It's like all my time that I did that expanded my thoughts and relationship with God I can't seem to find time to do anymore. 

Don't get me wrong, my essentials are still there.  I still read and I still pray.  I still love God. But somehow in the midst of all the chaos, everything else that was so dear to my heart has fallen away.  Time can be so life giving or life taking.... Kairos and Kronos (thanks Cliff).  It's so true though.  

When was the last time I was at Starbucks just because I had nothing to do and I spent hours listening to Chan and reading the Bible and journaling?  Your guess is as good as mine.  When is the last time Emily and I walked 4 miles to sit at Starbucks and write on post-it notes.  Which by the way are the coolest things ever and I will blog about them in my future blogs.  

What happens to our time?  And what truly is important?  How do we figure this out?  How do we know that how we are spending our time is where God wants us even if that means sacrificing things we loved to do?  When do we get our time back?

Rich Sheep in Thailand

I started listening to Dave Ramsey's financial peace university cd's. Sweet. They are pretty legit, and full of common sense things that we all seem to have a hard time putting into practice. Today I flipped open to 1 chronicles 29. It is an awe some chapter. Verse nine really stuck out to me. It said, "The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders, for they had given freely and wholeheartedly to the LORD." Then verse 14 that emily so kindly pointed out. "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you , and we have given you only what comes from your hand." So lesson number one, everything comes from our Lord God Almighty. Lesson number two, we need to give back to the one who gave us everything. Lesson number three, I need to be better with my money.

Now, I'm in starbucks listening to Chan. I'm in Love Part 2. As I'm listening I doodle out the word Thailand with a question mark in bubble letters and neatly color it in. And what have you, Chan plays a video for his people and not 10 seconds after i finish coloring, I hear something to the effect (my statistics might be off), "Every day more than 2000 kids are sold into the sex trafficing industry." WHAT?! If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Honestly, I haven't thought much about Thailand and saving prostitutes. But just one day I think about it, and then God affirms it. Alright, So How does this happen?? We'll just wait and see.

Chan goes on, he's telling me to visually picture the scene in Mathew 25:31-46. The Sheep and the Goats. The story of where he separates the two. And I wanted, with all my heart, to be a sheep on His right side so I could hear him say, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take you inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me somehting to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." Do I do any of these things? My heart broke at that moment to just be near Jesus.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. - Philippians 3:10-11

fireworks

I decided that they aren't my favorite... So I'm blogging through the finale. And because emily is not here. If she were here I wouldn't be allowed on the phone.

Basically I'm really wet. More like moist and that's even worse. My pants are really heavy because they are so wet. Yuck.

God let the clouds overflow tonight. Then they closed up for the explosions in the sky. Now it's raining again. God is sweet like that. Love him :)

Emily

I just read emily's blog and was upset with myself... because she is writing so many blogs and I'm not. I need to.

So here I am and I don't know what to say.

For those of you who don't know, I'm going to school :) Yay! Starting July 7 I'll be going to Aveda in Royal Oak. I'm super pumped but nervous at the same time. I was walking through the other day and just felt like I have a big responsibility placed on me. It's safe to assume I'll probably be the only Christian there... and my actions have to show that. I need to be praying more for it. You can too.

I'm really pumped to be able to walk there when Emily and I move there :)

Jesus, Jesus

I was showed this song a few days ago and cannot get over it. It's so honest and real. Yeah, there are three swear words, but looking past that, it's just an open song. I feel that it is a worship song and I can totally relate. It's like a prayer.... Here's the song and the lyrics.

Jesus, Jesus, could you tell me what the problem is
With the world and all the people in it?
Because I’ve been hearing stories about the end of the world
But I’m in love with a girl and I don’t wanna leave her
And the television screams such hideous things
They’re talking about the war on the radio
They say the whole thing’s gonna blow
And we will all be left alone
No we’ll be dead and we won’t know what hit us

Jesus, Jesus, if you’re up there won’t you hear me
‘Cause I’ve been wondering if you’re listening for quite a while
And Jesus, Jesus, it’s such a pretty place we live in
And I know we fuc*ed it up, please be kind
Don’t let us go out like the dinosaurs
Or blown to bits in a third world war
There are a hundred different things I’d still like to do
I’d like to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Look up from the ground at a meteor shower
And maybe even raise a family

Jesus, Jesus, there are those that say they love you
But they have treated me so d*mn mean
And I know you said ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’
But sometimes I think they do
And I think about you
If all the heathens burn in hell, do all their children burn as well?
What about the Muslims and the gays and the unwed mothers?
What about me and all my friends?
Are we all sinners if we sin?
Does it even matter in the end if we’re unhappy?

Jesus, Jesus, I’m still looking for answers
Though I know that I won’t find them here tonight
But Jesus, Jesus, could you call me if you have the time?
And maybe we could meet for coffee and work it out
And maybe then I’ll understand what it’s all about

God Hates Fags

I was appalled when I heard that someone was making t-shirts that said this and other bad things. I was even more so appalled when I heard it was a Church making these t-shirts. I was even more so appalled when I went to the website www.godhatesfags.com ... which is the church website. This is what I found on their picket line schedule...

Sprint Center - Moron Choir thinks songs will save them! 1407 Grand Blvd There is nothing better than picketing a bunch of adulterers who have made a religion based on adultery, and tried to literally make that a holy cause. And to get to picket them on a hot summer night in KCMO. Talk about good times! We are going to bring the heat to the Mormon pervert party. Pretty soon these freaks will not be marrying the little girls, but will be buying them up to cook and eat them. Obama will bring the trauma, and that will be straight from the hand of God! These filthy sexual deviants have the nerve now to sound out because the fags are being allowed to marry - so they want to marry. No standard is better than God's standard RIGHT BASTARDS?! Malachi 2:13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. 14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. 16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. 17 Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment? That right there is why the nasty libidinous piece of trash who made up this religion had to create some other text to follow - he knew there was NO WAY the Holy Bible would condone his sins. AMEN!

AND

Compass Points Bible Church - Quit LYING You hate the Bible! 1500 Kerns Rd The servants of God are some very happy, fortunate ducks (you will get the pun later). These humble servants of the God who makes alive and who makes DEAD will be traveling to the filthy, now full of smoke and ashes land of Canada (Ontario to be exact)for to picket outside the memorial of the dead youth. Now, you really have to know this next part. Okay so the young woman is in the bathroom, right, and a relatively new wall falls on her and kills her. Here is the entertaining part, ready: She spent literally hours and hours each day practicing and training for the 2016 Olympics as a swimmer! That is just too, too funny. All that time in water, then she dies BESIDE water - filthy water on top of that! Hilarious. We must remind these brutes who have made speaking truth to your neighbor a crime in that filthy land. We must remind them of a few things, to wit: Deuteronomy 32:39 ¶ See now that I, even I, am he, and there is no god with me: I kill, and I make alive; I wound, and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. 40 For I lift up my hand to heaven, and say, I live for ever. 41 If I whet my glittering sword, and mine hand take hold on judgment; I will render vengeance to mine enemies, and will reward them that hate me. 42 I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh; and that with the blood of the slain and of the captives, from the beginning of revenges upon the enemy. 43 Rejoice, O ye nations, with his people: for he will avenge the blood of his servants, and will render vengeance to his adversaries, and will be merciful unto his land, and to his people. You dummies in Canada had an opportunity to rejoice with us over the sovereign, and righteous Judgments of God upon the people of this DOOMED world. Instead you joined the ranks of the enemies of God so it is NO REJOICING for you! Obama will do what he must to destroy DOOMED america then he will take over your nation and all the other nations - and you will rue the day you lifted up your false idols and reared up a generation which despises God, His standards and who threatens the servants of that same God who killed the silly little Catholic tart in the bathroom. AWKWARD all around, and AMEN! Praise God for His works in this earth!

Those are only two upcoming pickets in the next week. There is a whole list of it. I was sick to my stomach. Not only are they not revering the verse that says Do not judge but they are basically getting rid of it all together. Where is the line drawn? I'm upset the most because someone is leading a whole bunch of people to believe this is okay. It's totally NOT okay. And second, people all over see this church and especially the people they picket see this church and see what is suppose to be the body of Christ. They see this and think that they would never want to do that. They are giving Christ the worst name ever and I feel so bad. My thought just went to saul/paul. He was such a zealot - on his way to kill a whole bunch of Christians (not like he hadn't done enough of that already) - and God blinded him for three days. After that he saw and literally the veil was gone and he turned the opposite way. Turned to Christ and saw all the pain he had caused and how wrong he was. He served the rest of his life suffering for Christ and serving Him as best he could.

All I can ask is that while we proclaim the Christ like life, that we back it up. That we truly watch our actions, words, and thought and we live as fully for Christ and like him as we can.

Chan is back in my life

I have not been running in far too long, and since I listen to Chan when I run, I have not heard from him in far too long either. Today, he talked to me about the church, their plans for building a new one (which is way cool by the way), and how we as a body of believers should be.

Sometimes when I listen to him, i feel like I'm reading Irresistible Revolution By Shane Claiborne. Which basically means that they both believe in living a biblical life. We should be more than willing to take care of a fellow member of the body of Christ if they ever come into need. Our lives on Sunday's should be the same as on Thursdays. We should feel the need to take other peoples burdens upon ourselves instead of leaving it up to the pastor or a different group within the church. We should be striving everyday to live out what the Bible says. We should not need to classify ourselves as "Non-denominational", "Baptist", "Catholic", or "Lutheran" but as a group of people who believe in the Bible.

To me, it seems simple. I suppose I should be the change I want to see in the church, eh?

Romans is what's up

I'm journal-less and dying inside because of it. This morning I'm sitting downstairs with Jen telling her how confusing Romans is and how difficult it is for me to read it because Paul has a way with words here that obviously really confuses me. Not two seconds later God rocks my world and shows me so much stuff. Awesome!

Best verse ever: The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. Romans 8:19

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed... Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8: Something find it yourself.

Chan was just talking the other day about this I believe. How we should be waiting for this. Sitting on the edge of our seats just waiting for the day that Christ returns. Waiting in EAGER EXPECTATION and waiting PATIENTLY. Sometimes though, I'm not very patient and I just want it to happen. Then i realize how selfish I am and I go back to the verse in 1 Timothy (2:3-4) that says, " This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." So then i become patient again realizing that not everyone who needs to has handed their lives into God's hands. It makes me pray more. This all is just clarification that we need to be living everyday to honor God and glorify Him. We are not promised tomorrow.

With that, go out and make the most of opportunity. Success = when opportunity is met with preparedness.

Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction. 2 Timothy 4: 2

2 Timothy

I just sat down to read 2 Timothy for tonight. Boy Oh Boy is it intense. One might think that I would have learned my lesson after reading 1 Timothy in one sitting. But, Nope. There is just so much in these books.

Here are two things that completely rocked me.

1. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes by the rules. -- 2 Timothy 2: 3-5

My immediate thought is that people really don't read the Bible. If they did, they would read things like this and go, "Oh. So if i party hardcore all week long but go to church every Sunday... that's still not good enough? I'm suppose to live like a soldier would and obey rules? Really?"

2. Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. -- 2 Timothy 4:2-4

My jaw dropped and I thought, "This is us now." Arguments are made left and right about all sorts of things, for the sole reason that anyone can make anything look the way they would like it to. Just make a sound argument and, "Ta Da" You've got yourself a new theology. woop woop! That's why it's so important that we read EVERY day in order to stay sound and solid in the Living Word of Christ Jesus.

Deliverance

This is not my story but Taylor Griffith's ( http://taylorgriffith.theworldrace.org/?filename=bio ) He is a member of the World Race trip leaving in June. This story is crazy insane and God seriously did it all. He is The Most Powerful.


Eighteen years ago I became ensnared by the attractive web of hardcore porn. I was a six year old Christian and the 18 years that followed have been full of many different struggles. I mean, I'm sure we can all attest to having mommy and daddy issues, issues of self-worth, loneliness, insecurity, and hopelessness. I experienced all of these and more. It was all big stuff, but the porn, that eventually grew into a drive for sex, continued to be a CRUSHING burden with no escape in sight. I did experience growth and success in areas of my life and even bared fruit in the name of Christ, but I never experienced deliverance, deliverance that we all read so much about in the Bible. That is until this Thursday, April 2nd, on AIM's training grounds.

After five days of experiencing freedom from my generational family sin, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, the need for female attention, and a laundry list of others, we began talking about spiritual gifts like: prophecy, healing, visions, and intercession. After Pastor Mark finished speaking, he invited any member of our 34 person team, who wanted more of what God had to offer, even if we weren't sure about all this stuff, to come up and be prayed for. I knew that I wanted to receive any gifts that God would give me, so I walked up, trying the whole time to fight off the doubts that continued to grow in my mind. You see, after experiencing days full of emotional freedom, and a pouring and softening of my heart, it was strange that on this night I didn't feel a thing, nothing at all. As I'm standing there, waiting, Matt, one of our leaders, looks up at me from praying over a friend. He gives me a huge smile and points at me while mouthing the word, "You!" At this point I knew it was time to get down to bitness.

Continue reading at your own "religious" risk, because I'm about to blow the top off that box you've kept God in all these years! I'm not really sure why I fell, but as Matt and Pastor Mark began praying over me, I lost my footing and Matt slowly lowered me to the ground. They never stopped praying, even for a second. Pastor Mark walked off to tend to others, while my brother Will walked over to replace him. At this point I had begun to shake sporadically . I would experience short bursts of intense shaking, or a long sting of gentle shaking. My left hand began to take on the form like that of a stroke victim and my mouth was locked in some form a "O" shape. I began to feel something moving in my arm and mouth as well. It was as if my body were numb and asleep, without the needling pain that usually accompanies such sensations. As my convulsions grew bigger and more intense, I started sputtering. The men praying over me were encouraging me to speak in tongues and inviting the Holy Spirit to work through me. All the while I was thinking, "Hmm, this is getting pretty weird, but I guess I'm starting to speak in tongues!"

Matt heard my sputters and urged me to speak louder. Will was beginning to praise God, but his heart was telling him to, "Rebuke!" Will was confused, "No God, this is a good thing! He's speaking in tongues and your Spirit is on him. This can't be bad!" But his heart continued to shout, "Rebuke!" He was getting frustrated, so he opened his eyes. When he did this, what he saw and did after his eyes were open confirmed what his heart was saying. At the base of my throat was a giant lump and when Will put his hand on the lump, I think we all knew at that moment it wasn't the Holy Spirit I was manifesting, but a demon! "Holy s--t...it's a demon," I remember thinking. The intensity of Matt's prayers increased and I could literally feel the air around me growing thicker as my convulsions and their prayers grew in paralleled unison. Once Matt felt that it was a demon, he began asking God to give him its name. He prayed louder and harder! "Give me a name Lord! I need the name!" That was all Will needed to hear and he finally confirmed his heart with his mouth and shouted, "I rebuke you!" Matt immediately followed that with the demon's name, "Sexual shame!"

My eyes shot open! My body took on a mind of its own! I had no control, but I felt everything. Anger, so much anger! Their hands had been on me, but they lost their grip as I tried to pull away. I started for the left side of the room, but by this time they had tackled me back to the ground. I was clawing the ground and screaming, "Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!" With a guttural scream that came from something deeper than myself. It was full of fear, power, and hate. I was literally dragging the two of them across the room. They never stopped praying! Time seemed to slow down and the two to three minutes after the demon manifested itself seem much longer now as I'm remembering it. By this time two more guys on our team joined Matt and Will in holding me down and praying over me. I remember seeing Warren and AJ with their faces taking on intense forms of prayer as the demon was trying to fight them off. Four men were trying to hold me down and I was still dragging them as I fought. I was so strong! Then there came the turning point...

I literally felt a weight come over me, that was so heavy, I can only assume was the hand of God. The demon was powerless, but I could still feel the intense hatred! Somehow during this time they flipped me onto my back and Matt had begun praying into my face as loudly and powerfully as he could muster. The demon looked him square in the face and the hate grew more intense! It was hard to believe! My screams of, "Nooo!", turned to curses of, "F--- you! F--- you! F--- you!" They never stopped praying. The process climaxed and the Spirit of God was upon me. The demon had no choice, but to flee, he was beaten.

I immediately felt an incredible peace. I was sweating, hoarse, and exhausted beyond measure, but there was a giant smile on my face. I knew and felt God's love in the deepest parts of my soul. I had been given freedom, a word that has become the theme of my life these past days. I finally recognized the power of God's people and the strength he's put in all us Christians! The box of religion that I've always put him in was laying pieces around me. "Thank you Father," I breathed.

--- If you have any questions, I encourage you to ask! This is pretty big stuff for most of us. It is big for me! But I believe that our God is capable of anything! He loves you and wants you to know that He sent His son to set you free!
~~~
Free indeed.

In 3 days...

...Emily and I were suppose to leave for our summer long trip across America. The schedule was as follows:

May 17 = Buffalo
May 21 = NYC
May 28 = Pittsburgh
June 1 = Chicago
June 8 = St. Louis
June 15 = Phoenix
June 23 = California bound
July 23 = homeward bound

It's crazy to think that this was happening... to the point where I have all the dates written down. Maybe Emily will read this and say, "Hey, we are still leaving on the 17th, pack your bags. Quit your job. Let's go." Who really needs a job anyway. They are a waste of time to me.

I just want to live my life to the fullest and fullest means doing as much for God as I possibly can. Even if that means leaving in 3 days to talk to all the major city drunks and get their prayer requests. One day, besides MORO, Emily and I are going to do something so strange that it will blow the socks off of more than just our Pastor and his wife.

unsure

I'm unsure of what to blog about, but I am blogging anyway. I went running today and once again felt like the muscle on my rib was about to rip off, so I walked.

I realized last night that I don't often read the Bible as a story, but more like a textbook. Last night, as Cliff went through Acts, I was aching to know what happened next. As much as I disliked hearing all the details of the book in the beginning, I really enjoy it now. So anyway, Paul is about to be chained and blah blah and then Cliff decides to stop reading and talk about it. I felt like I was in a movie, and suddenly the whole thing broke right at the climax. Holy cow... So I just kept reading and reading, sorry Cliff... I had to find out what happened. But I loved it. I usually really enjoy fictional books, but don't read them often because it's a waste of my time, and now I feel as though this is the most riveting book I've read so far. I mean really, Paul is super hardcore. Is it wrong to pray for persecution? Sometimes I really want to, but then I chicken out and don't. But God still hears my thoughts so I'm not sure if I've prayed about it or not. I know during persecution, I might not like it, but I'd like to think I would rejoice in it. I guess I'll never know until it happens....

God is crazy.

I just had one of the strangest conversations I've ever had with anyone. Not really strange in the context of the conversations, but in the outcome and everything underlying it. That is all I'll say. But as I'm talking to this person, I have the sense that they just do not understand. I do not think that you can explain away a passion for Jesus Christ. You can, but it does not matter how eloquently we use our words or how un-eloquently we use our words. It is not up to us whether or not they get it. I thank God for this ever realizing concept to me. It's become very clear, even just these past couple weeks that you can't tell anyone anything they don't want to hear. Don't waste your breath.
So I turn to my Bible and God tells me He will give it into my hands... Do what He has commanded you. Okay sweetness number 1 for listening. Number two is why couldn't Pam Bickel have been my words and read her blog to this person right from my mouth.

http://ihopewedance.blogspot.com/

Blog from today = All My Heart. Preach Preacha's wife. Amen to you. The words were spoken just as if the Spirit was talking through you, which He was.

" Sure, I've always loved Jesus - but I think that we miss out on this so much. To love Him to this depth is a gift that he wants to give us. You may ask - How do I get that deep with Jesus? I want to love him to my very core but how do I feel it there? I would answer you by saying that you have to deny yourself completely. "

The Bickel Family Rocks at Life and Together non the less. Love them. :)

The Future

I've been thinking a lot lately how I feel like I missed my boat (even though I know I didn't). Sometimes I let my thoughts linger there a bit too long. But really, I desire God. Part of me thinks it would be so pimp if I were graduating from Moody right now, or in my last year at Eternity Bible College, surfing, and knowing Chan personally (i'm getting sick of the podcast relationship... it's time to move to the next level). Part of me is unsure of why I am not doing any of the above - but the other part knows exactly why I am not. Because, first of all, I really didn't know about any of these until a year or so ago... EBC would be months ago. And second, because I don't think that is what God had in store for me, or, I'd be there.

Sometimes I try to play out the future of what may happen by my surrounding circumstances (people, work, relationships, life). Most of the time I end up in California because that is where Emily will most likely be and I'll follow her to the ends of the earth. It's like six degrees to California for me - and I pick the most absurd ways to get there too. Non of which are logical, because the God I'm in love with is CrAzY and completely willing to stir things up. I really do wonder what will happen. I think that is the most fun though. I'll never know until it happens and when it does, I have to buckle up and go along for the ride. Let Him "throw me into the fire" as Cliff would put it.

I feel it in my heart. I'm ready. But really I'm sure I'm not. I can never know what God has for me and I think I can only prepare so much for what might happen and the rest will be "on-the-job-training". I'm so very thankful that at this point in time my heart is truly breaking for those who don't know Jesus and love him dearly. I ask God so much to just break my heart and though it's breaking it's nothing compared to the love God feels for them... this I am sure of.

I'm not sure I have much else to say, except that I want more followers. :)

Video Time

I'm not sure what to think right now. My heart if overwhelmed with the fact that there are so many people out there who first of all don't want anything to do with God. Or second of all, know so much about him that they can give a good answer on camera, but turn around and live another life.

I'm said that Jordan, Jericho, and Joshua were not at qdoba tonight. Also that my friend was not at Jimmy Johns.

My heart is upset at the man at caribou and also at the man on the corner telling us about the government and also about the two men who would not even talk to us about anything that had to do with God. It hurt more than when people said that God meant nothing to them because at least then they acknowledge Him.

I don't know.

Fluttering

My heart flutters from the conversation I just had with my roommate about worship. She is so stinking sweet and I love her.

I love people that love Jesus. And I can't believe that I'm excited just from a story of what happened in her Kairos, not mine, but I am. And I love God all the more for it. It's like I'm proud - even though I'm so not her mom nor can i take any credit for anything what so ever. Love it. I don't even have words.

The Working Class

Alright, before you read this, I need you to set aside all preconcieved notions about anything you know about life. Then I need you to take a step back and pretend you are an outsider looking in on a strange strange world.

I'm not sure who made up the rules, but what happened to us? Pretend you are married (or if you are, don't pretend) - So you wake up, maybe you see each other in the morning, maybe you don't. Then you go to work for 8, 10, 12 hours. So does your spouse, if you are lucky you guys work the same hours. So you spend 8-12 hours, or more, with your coworkers. Then you come home for, four maybe five hours before you need to sleep again and once again you lay down and sleep next to the one you are married to and wake up and play this game again. This sounds correct so far, right?

How does it make sense that we spend more time with our coworkers than with our spouse? Now, everyone wants to say that they are not materialistic, money is not the most important thing - family is. So, why is it that you spend more time apart than you do together? It's no wonder why people get divorced. They fall in love with the people they see most often. They get to spend their days and time together. How hard is it to do this??? To me, in my head, this makes absolutely NO sense what-so-ever. None. There has got to be other ways, and I know there are, but most people are so stuck in this home to work work to home cycle that they can't even look outside of this and see a better way.

Sorry. That's my rant. Probably more to come :)

This could be intense...

but I'm not sure yet. We'll see how it goes.

I'm not sure why people have a fascination about death. Have you ever noticed that if someone dies, you will surely hear about it, but if someone does something miraculous and amazing that it would be easy for you to go through life without hearing about it? I'm driving to Saginaw with my Dad and out of normal conversation he feels the need to tell me that a single mom who they knew through football, with two kids, was found dead in her car at a "casino" in Detroit. My immediate thoughts as follows: 1) Why are you telling me this? 2) Are you sure she was at a Casino? 3) She overdosed.

My Dad proceeded to tell me that they said she died of natural causes and was found a couple days after she had died. I was still not believing it, but didn't press the issue because I didn't even know her. Welcome to today, Tuesday April 21, 2009. I'm with my mom and she goes, "Oh did you hear about the lady from the chargers?" Yes Mom, I did (1. Why are you telling me this?). "Well it turns out she was a crack addict." Surprise, surprise. I looked at her and said, yes I knew she overdosed, i just knew. And immediately was ticked beyond belief because she left her two kids orphaned. How could you do that? It makes me sick. Absolutely sick. My soul is stirred beyond belief whenever I hear of stories like this. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what. I hate drugs. I despise the Devil for using this as a tactic to get to people. I hate how people's lives and families are ruined over it and I hate that people don't have enough guts to, "Just say no."

You may now think that I am a horrible person for saying all this because these people are addicted and can't get out of it. They are trapped. They need help. But, I've lived it first hand. It wasn't fun having my mom tell me that my brother was on the way to the hospital because he overdosed. Yeah i knew he smoked but really, can you overdose on pot? To my shocked horror, his girlfriend found him comatose on the floor of our basement blue and rigid from an overdose of heroin. ( The people laced the heroin with a pain killer that only cancer patients recieve... like 10 times stronger than morphine. The people wanted my brother to take it there and had he done that, he would have been dead. No ifs and's or but's about it. Dead. Hundreds of people died from this. Found slumped over in their cars. Sick, Sick drug dealers/people) Oh, and then my little brother came home to that too and saw him. The paramedics got there with seconds to spare I'm sure and saved his life, but who knows where he is now. It's not fun. It ruins a lot of things and I hate it. I hate that people like talking about it. It makes me sick. It makes me want to cry and save everyone who is affected by it.

People shouldn't be able to hear a story about how a lady died at a "casino" and know it their gut that they overdosed. People shouldn't be able to hear about someone being prescribed oxycotton for something and know that soon they will be hooked on heroin because it's cheaper and does a better job. People shouldn't be able to recognize a person doped out on drugs just by looking at their eyes. Our world should not be so tuned in to the negative of this world. We shouldn't have to know things like this, but it's sad that we do. The wrath of God is easily visible through the drug world. The wrath meaning we are turned over to the sin that we already enjoy.

God is still bigger than all of this, and through all of this, I know amazing stories can be produced and I can only hope for the such. I can only pray that those two kids can grow up to forgive their mom and make their lives better than that. That through it all they can see the love of God that so easily envelopes and long as we let it. God is good. And through it all He will remain Sovereign. Always. God will always pull people out of the slavery of drugs, but their will always be people going into it. I'm not sure we can stop it.

IDK

I'm not sure about things sometimes.

For instance, positive thinking is what we should be thinking about all the time. And yes, if you want to make a vision board of where you would like to be in a year, 3 months, whatever, that's totally fine. There is nothing wrong with that. Absolutely none. If you wanted to do something for the Kingdom of God, wouldn't you like a reminder of what you were working for? You bet I would. But the face that the book The Secret talks all about that and that some people are worshiping this book, yeah that's wrong. But, you know what, The Magic of Thinking Big talks all about that too, The Secret isn't the first.

People don't know how to dream anymore. They are so use to people telling them that their dreams don't come true that they just don't dream. What if God calls us to dream? What if our dreams glorify our God? Instead of being stuck in a mediocre life saying, this is where God wants me, when really you know that's not true and eventually you'll stop feeling His tug to get you out of that life and He'll let you sit there.

Sorry.

I don't know why I feel sad. I asked God to break my heart for the people at work today and to show me the love He has for them. I'm not sure if this aftermath sadness is His or me being a weirdo. There was nothing personally that happened to me.

It was four twenty today and half my coworkers were toasted.

I found out that my suspicions were correct about someone I know having an affair with someone I don't really know but is an acquaintance. I also found out it's not the first time. Why? Why would someone do this? Marriage is sacred. When you know they are married, why would you continue? Why are you so desperate? Why do you look at yourself that way? Even in non Christian society's, affairs are NOT okay. i'm sickened by it.

I wish I felt like people really cared about what other people had to say. I'm sorry when people are ignored, talked over, or pushed a side. I hurt for them.

Weak Spots

I have a few weak spots.

1. Jesus
2. People in love with Jesus
3. Jesus handkerchiefs, not the green prosperity ones though.
(Is that really how you spell that... HAND KER Chiefs? )
4. Francis Chan
5. Spoonfuls of icing straight from the jar, like ice cream

In all honesty, Jesus really rocks. I don't really know what else to say to that. I feel like He gives me answers to things that I did not even know I had a question too. Really? Yes, really. How's that possible, you ask? I'm not sure. But I do know that it happens.
For Instance:
Why did we run into all the same people in RO last week? I'm pretty sure I know now.
Do I need to spend more time in prayer with my Love? Yeah, I'm pretty positive of that too.

The name of Jesus Christ is great.

Francis...

Oh Francis Chan.
It's not that I'm obsessed with Chan - or maybe I am. I'm not sure. I definitely don't want to be obsessed in anyway. But, all of the sermons that I have heard from him are completely biblical. He really is showing the people in his church how to live a Christian life. Everything he does says Jesus. I want to be like that. I want my life to scream Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
He's not baptist, he's not protestant, he's not Methodist, he's not this, he's not that, he's biblical. Straight up.
Maybe it's best to say that God is using him to speak to me. That's best. Really, it's not a bad thing that certain people don't speak to me like others, because I know that they are being used to speak to other people. That is beautiful.

I want to live off of ten percent of my income.
I want to share my house with another family and save money so we can give more away.
I want to give things away freely - like my car.
I want to walk to work. - 14 ish miles? crazy.
I want to love the homeless, the drunks, the prostitutes, everyone.
I want to give my extra rooms to people who need it.

There are people everywhere that are doing this. I want to be one of them.

I can't believe we wanted to go home tonight...MO-RO

Yep, we wanted to leave. It was cold. We didn't know what we were doing. Weren't feeling it. Okay.

There is so much to say, I don't even know where to start. Let's start with Kyle. I think I talked about him last time so if you are really curious go look it up... MO RO something. Q'Doba: Jericho. Josh ( who i stared at until he said hi but really only said hi because we were staring, not because he remembered us). Jordan (we got a girl's number today!!! :) ) So we are walking excited about life. Here we go.

Guy walks down the street on his phone. Glasses like mine, stops looks up and says, "I like your glasses." And keeps walking.
My response, "i like yours too!!" lightbulb goes off " OH MY GOSH!!! You are TED (last name i said too but i won't tell you) You work at Guitar Center!! You told me kind of strings to buy!! "
He quickly ends his call and tells the person he's blowing them off because I somehow know him.
I try to tell him how we know each other. Instead he turns to emily and say, "She is really cute." Which is exactly what happened last time. Then we something was said and his lightbulb goes off :
"YOU ARE THE CHRISTIAN GIRLS!!!!! I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU AGAIN."
Meanwhile emily and i are dying laughing because well.... this is ridiculous. I can't tell you more because, really, why do you care and it's not funny unless you are emily and were there.

Keep walking we run into Marcus from my old old starbucks job, Christine from my current starbucks job, TJ who looks odly familiar to us both and we talk to them.

We decide it's time to go. Then we hear a trumpet playing. SAY WHAT?!?! Yup trumpet. That would be dave. His car got stolen a year and a half ago from detroit. He plays on the corner of main and where starbucks is. He won't be back until the first weekend of may and we met him I believe the first time we came out to RO. We have never seen him since and for some reason emily and I both had cash on us tonight. Thanks God.

Tonight was great. and full of laughter because it was so ridiculous. We always wondered if we would start seeing people again and tonight, like clockwork we saw so many people who we talked to previously. It was great. I loved it. I'm not sure what it means, but there's a reason for it and all I can do is pray. Thank you who graciously provided us with so much joy tonight it was unnecessary.

God is good All the time.

there's so much more but maybe emily will write about it.

Jesus You gave it ALL for me!

So really, if Jesus died for me... I never have a problem giving up sleep for him. Whatever. Next subject.

Oh I just want to leave and go to BRazil or something and chill with kids in the MORE PROJECT who are wanted on the streets to hussle drugs but they don't because they love Jesus.

I want to give EMILY my starbucks frozen pastries in my freezer to take to california when she goes so she can give them to the homeless when her and jon hang out.

I want to spend my entire night in a field loving Jesus with my friends.

Lighthouse rocked to night and I wish that It was still going and i was singing but really i wouldn't have a voice tomorrow.

I'm excited to hang out with my family tomorrow and tell them how much Jesus loves us all.

I don't know. Bye

Secret Mission

We met tonight. In the Lighthouse room. It's 205 am. Thank you God for giving this group ideas beyond comprehension for most places. I'm sure there out there, but I've yet to find a group that is as awesome as the Lighthouse Collective. Thank you for the intimacy. May we learn from this experience in order to have many more.

We Love you.

Dreams...

So I'm all for writing multiple blogs in a minutes time frame. I looked at my last blog about Chan and decided he should make it into every blog of mine. But besides that I saw one of the last words, California, and remebered my dream last night. It goes like this:

I was at the Mccllelands home and there was a bunch of people my age and some younger all over the house. It wasn't exactly their house, it was more mansion - ish, but it was their house if you understand how dreams go. So there was someone passing out books of some sort about Jesus. There was kid on the bed, smaller and younger than I, who uppon recieving his book proceeded to yell and scream and all I knew in that moment was that he needed to be delivered because this was strictly spiritual. I being surrounded by friends, for a split second stopped to consider what they would think if I openly delivered this kid. But i proceeded. For some reason I could barely talk. It was like a weight on my chest and my voice was gone and I had to scream to get a whisper out. (Mind you, this is not the first time I have felt this in my sleep...creepy) So i began to rebuke the demon by saying, "In the name of Jesus Christ, i rebuke you..." or something to that effect. It was harder to say each time i said it. The kid's reaction proved more than anything that I was doing the right thing. He came after me and began to punch me and kick me. I had to get him on the ground and pin his legs and arms down and continue to rebuke the demon while he tried to hurt me. For some reason I didn't finish.

Skip to immediate dream after this ended:

I was with my friends and we apparently had been waiting in line to talk to Jesus, although I had no recollection of waiting because my dream started when i was standing before Him. He proceeded to tell me that I would have a ministry in deliverance. I asked Him where. He told me the capital of a small city ( he told me and I can't remember... it was not santa monica... it did start with a st.) in California. I turned around to see the long line of people who were waiting to talk to Him (makind me realize we waited in line) and I dropped to my knees on the dirt road and wept with my face in my hands. Not because He had spoken to me, but because He had given me a purpose.

Life

I'm not sure what to do with Life. Part of me pulls in one direction... then I listen to Chan and the rest of me pulls in the other direction. Maybe I should stop listening to one of them, because only one can be right... the one God is speaking through. I feel sometimes that I'm wasting my time here on earth. On a sermon about eternal living, Chan asked us three questions at the end (only one i remember becaue i immediately started thinking and I guess I can't think and listen at the same time) but it was: "What have you done on earth this week that will make a difference up there?" Shoot. I wasn't sure. We had a Bible study on Monday that rocked. And yes, it helped us all grow more in the Lord, but did it help someone outside of our group? I'm not sure. I saw the blonde prego lady sitting behind us look at our Bibles, look at us, and look at our Bibles again before she sat down. Maybe it made for interesting conversation between her friends, or maybe it sparked something inside of her, or maybe she thought we were plain weird. Who knows.

I'm really excited because someone from beaumont talked to me today and is coming to Lighthouse on Friday. yay

Chan

I wonder why Francis Chan rocks so much.
I wonder why Simi Valley, California can't be closer to Sterling Heights, MI.
I wonder if Francis would find it sweet to find out that someone in Sterling Heights, MI is listening to his podcast...because I would.
I wonder why all people could not be as sweet as Chan.
I wonder why all pastors aren't as biblical, solid, and not afraid to stir things up like my man Chan.
I wonder why I don't live in California just to go to his church.

Are you ready to suffer?

I went running again today. You might be thinking that this is about how much one might suffer while running (like I do) but, oh contrare, it is not.
I was listening to Francis Chan's What's So Great About Jesus (part 3) on my run today. It's funny how this past week or two, there has been a lot of talk about suffering for Jesus' name. We discussed how the church might actually explode if we were persecuted for believing in His name. We discussed how we would laugh and rejoice the whole way to the police station riding in the back of a cop car because we were preaching the Word of God. We discussed how close the Christian community would be if we were persecuted. Like I said, there was a lot of discussing.
We talked with Mr. Timothy Bickel (Great earthly father and servant of Christ Jesus) about this and how we wished it would happen. He kindly told us that we should not pray to God for harm to fall on other Christians... and he is so right. But he also told us that we should pray that God's will be done on the Church so that we may better serve Him / wake us up... whatever that might mean. We told him of our desire to be arrested for Christ and he kindly told us again that if that were to happen, it would probably mean that all rights as a prisoner that we now have, would be out the window. That we would be taken to a cell and literally be flogged like the apostles. Now when he said this, inside I went, "Oh, that doesn't sound as cool." None the less, I'm still willing to do it. Just the severety of what might come from suffering for Christ never really hit me. I've never really had to suffer. Ever.
So back to What's So Great About Jesus (part 3). It came to the end, and at this point i was done running and was fully listening to his words. He spoke of a story that happened two years ago on April 18, 2007. Three Christian's were killed for the sake of Christ. They were doing a Bible study with some people from the area who had said they were interested in knowing more, but when they began reading the Word, they pulled out their knives and tied them up and proceeded to torture them. At this point, I thought to myself..."holy cow, that is intense." He proceeded to talk about the funeral and the wives and what they said in response to this (Which by the way was, "Oh God, forgive them for they know not what they do. I am deeply sorrowed by this awful event but my husband is with God. I am serene." and "His death was full of meaning, because he died for Christ and he lived for Christ. Necati was a gift from God. I feel honored that he was in my life. I feel crowned with honor, I want to be worthy of that honor.") and how they had kids and what not. Intense.
Not until Chan said,
"We know that He did not leave their side. We know that their minds was full of scripture strengthening them to endure. We know that in whatever way they were able, with a look or maybe a word they encouraged each other to stand strong. We know that they knew that they would soon be with Christ... I thought about being in that room and looking at your brothers going, "Hold on man, just hold on. You know where we are going. You just hold on. Just hold on just a little bit longer. You know where we are going! Don't you deny Him. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Let's take it!" And the way they would look at each other and just go, "hold on."

After those words, I burst out in tears. While I was crying, I wasn't even sure why I was crying and I had to stop and think about it. I knew I wasn't crying because this is horrible. I wasn't mad that they suffered. Not at all. I was crying because this picture is so beautiful to me. I placed myself in their shoes and imagined my friends next to me. Looking at them and saying, "Just hold on." and them looking at me and saying, "don't worry, You can do it, Just hold on." "Christ is here with us." "We'll see Him soon." Just typing these words is making me cry again. To imagine a bond so strong between us and then between us and God. To imagine looking into tear filled eyes telling them it will be over soon. Suffering together for the sake of One Purpose.

Could you do it?



Here's two articles on it:
http://www.intouchmission.org/wp-content/uploads/0706_martyrs-in-malatya.pdf
http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/016106.php

God Is: Philippians 2

This was good, but once again hard. I'm finding it hard to find words that really depict him without using the cliche words... which I did. I've decided that God is indescribable. Honestly, human words do Him no justice. I wish I truly spoke His language, it would mean so much more.

Philippians Chapter 2.... GOD IS:
Verse 1: encouraging, unifying, comforting, tender, compassionate
2: Purposeful
3: Humble
4: Concerned

6: Humble
7: Humble
8: Humble & Obedient
9: Exalted
10: Powerful
11: Glorified & Worthy

**Side note** All of these verses (6-11) were clumped together. I thought it was so ironic that the first three had to do with how completely humble Jesus was and the last three had to do with how God put Him on high...the complete opposite of what you would expect from humble.

12: Revered
13: Active
14: Respectful, Humble
15: Blameless, Pure, Father, Light
16-18: Worthy
20: Genuine
22: Servant
24: Confident
25: True doctor
26: Longing for us
27: Merciful
30: Martyr

God is too good. Better than we may ever know.

Emily

Do colossians Ch 2.

I wanted to add this to my previous blog but it didn't fit so I made a new one

I like this:
"How could a loving God do that? I always ask, how could a just God with 700,000 "I don't cares" going up to Him a second, and not go, "You want to see chaos, You think Virginia tech was chaos? There you go..." Why Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus? Because without Jesus, everything falls apart.
... The church is not a room with four walls and a ceiling. That is a building where the church gathers. See this thing of the church is so unique. Francis says, "the church is a group of people who have been bought out of the dominion of darkness and have been redeemed and have had their sins forgiven and have been placed now uniquely in the kingdom of light, this kingdom of the son He loves, they've been place inside of this body in which the head is Jesus Christ." I've been placed in a unique place. This group of people here which is amongst you there are some that are the church and there are some that aren't. See I don't want anyone to be lied to to think that just because you come to a building once a week on Sundays, that you are the church. The church is not a building it is a group of people that understand that they have been redeemed bought out of the dominion of darkness, out the slave market of sin, and have been placed in this unique new body called the church of which Jesus Christ is not only the head of the dominion of darkness but is also the head of the Church. You were created in the very image of God. Then when you get saved you get recreated more specifically in the image of Jesus Christ.
... The church is here for its head, Jesus Christ. We are here today not to make you happy, we are here today to let you know that you need a right relationship with God. You need to be redeemed, bought of the slave market of sin, you need your sins forgiven. You need to be placed in this Kingdom of Light. Why? Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, JESUS!"
-Todd Nighswonger - Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, Califonia. What's So Great About Jesus? (part 2)

Prepare

So I just finished running 4 miles. The best part is that I didn't stop and I finished it under the time that I had allotted for myself. Which was 44 minutes and 54 seconds. I finished in 43 minutes and 4 seconds. haha that is SO slow. But I was happy for not stopping. I'm then thinking about how lately I've found a need to get in shape and want to really push myself to see how far I can go.

There's the recap, now let us get up to speed. Everything's been about Jesus lately. Like it always should be. Honestly, part of me is excited for Jesus to come back. Now, I'd like you to know that I myself do not believe that when the "end times" come that all Christians will be swept up to Heaven. I believe that we will in fact have to endure what everyone else does until the time Jesus physically comes down from Heaven and then (if we are not dead yet) will be taken up to Heaven. It's kind of how the Bible put's it, so that is how I take it.

Now my thought: What if we endure this in our lifetime? Will we be ready? Do you understand how much running we will be doing? Both physically and mentally. We will be running for our lives and running to tell the world that Jesus is legitimately near. Not "near" like He will one day come back but "near" like He will come back in exactly 3 years and four days because according to the Bible we are currently enduring __(blank)___ prophecy of the book of Revelation. Which at that point we may have needed to memorize because all Bible were burned and confiscated. No longer can we go to a Hotel and find a Bible in the drawer... they're gone. Seriously though. What if I have to be prepared to save my family. To fight for my family. Then the thought came that I should learn to fight ha ha. Are we prepared to lead large masses of people (or few)? Because we will need to. It will be our responsibility to do this not just pastors. When family members and leaders die, will we be prepared to step up and take on what they were doing?

Maybe we will see this day, maybe we won't. But we should be prepared either way just in case. It is our responsibility, not theirs.

God Is: Philippians 1

My great friend Emily told me that our sweet friend Nicole J told us of another way to study God's living word. She said to read the Word looking for ways to describe who God is. I normally read looking for ways that it can help me instead of looking for ways to know my God better. Though naturally I will get to know Him better by reading my way and understanding what He expects from me, but I really wanted to try this to see what would happen.

It actually was not as easy and I expected, because God is so great and pretty much every word describes Him.
My results:
Philippians Chapter One
Verse 2: Giver of grace and peace
6: Completer
7: Shares His grace with us ---> Generous
8: Truth, Loving, Affectionate
11: Righteous
12: Resourceful
13: Disburser (of His good news)
14: Encourager, Courageous, Fearless
16: Love
18: Worthy
19: Hero (saves us), Helper
20: Confident
21: Heavenly, Perfect
24: Concerned
25: Sacrifices for us
26: Joyful
28: Fearless
29: Consents to the fulfillment of us
30: The word is struggle. I looked it up and found : To contend with an adversary or opposing force and I thought, "Yeah He does that, but the opposing force has already been beat." So the word is now VICTORIOUS.
Scrolled down and found this definition for struggle; Makes a way with violent effort.

As i was typing this, I thought it was crazy that he can be so many different things in such a little amount of time and verses.


I want you to know that I wrote this at 12:35... not 930 in the morning.

Nothing.

I just really love Jesus. Honestly. I want to follow Him through all the days of my life.

Full Circle

God is really amazing. I know it's cliche but whatever. I can't think of a better word. Fabulous? Outrageous? Everything? God just is and that makes it wonderful.

God loves me so much that He affirms my doubts in less then 10 minutes through an inebriated man who intruded on our Q'doba dinner in Royal Oak on Saturday night at 230am. Though the frequency of people we talk to has gone down, the intensity of the conversations have increased exponentially. With tears in his eyes, this man told us that he has the passion in him, but basically he can't let it out yet. What could I do? I love this man.

I love the guy who looked at us with complete and total conflicting ideas running through his head. The pain was evident on his face, "Do I go with my friends or do I stay and talk to two people who want to share with me eternity?" Though I did not hear any of his conversation, I knew the look and I felt his pain. My heart broke. Only to find out his prayer was to be saved and help for his addiction. It's like God told me the severity of the situation before I even knew what it was.
Thank you God... For everything.

So we heard today at Sunday morning church about sharing the Gospel. We heard at lunch about the evil that runs rampant through our world. The effects that are had when we acknowledge the desires of our flesh. Romans 13:14. We heard tonight at Lighthouse about sharing the gospel. About going in and knowing the culture of the people we are talking to. Being with these people and sharing our lives with them. 1 Thessalonians 2:8. We need to go out there and do it. Share our faith. 2 Timothy 1:7. We are at a pivotal point in our lives. Do we listen or do we ignore? These people need us. Share what is so important. Let their lives be made complete by a single act of a conversation. Plant the seed. Do your part.

Today before lighthouse I was told that (like everything else) the Bible is complete in its entirety and can be brought full circle too. We (multiple times) flipped open the bible, randomly, selected a verse, randomly, read each verse (the most we did tonight was three verses), and every time each verse connected... regardless of where it was in the Bible. Thank you God for your amazingness.

After Lighthouse we prayed because, yes, we cannot get enough of God. All I want to do is just praise Him.
"Holy, Holy, Holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come."

24 hours a day.

Critics

So my Tuesdays are typically the longest days of my life. Wake up at three something ish and then don't get back until about 10:30... ouch.

Basically, I'm really sick and tired of people being so critical about life. Every little thing. These people can always do it better, they have always got the answer, they are always right. Give it a rest. Arg. Seriously. It must hurt to go through life trying to think of words that are constantly negative. Don't the books tell us to accept, approve, and appreciate? Yet, I feel like we do this the least.

Plus, in most situations, if you don't have the fruit on the tree, you have absolutely no right to try and tell anyone a better way for it to be done. Absolutely none. Until you can demonstrate that you can take advice from people who are where you want to be, you will never be the person giving advice - pretty much because you are not where they want to be.

So yeah, it's a little blunt, but whatever. It's just ridiculous. We are a product of our environment, so if we want to be good we best surround ourselves with a great environment.

On to people doing bigger and better things: Jon Ketchum. Rocks my socks and I'm pretty much downloading his brand spankin new EP off itunes. And now it's done downloading. Sweet!!! 6 songs of pure bliss. Yay Jon!

Church Parking lot

So i left church a little earlier than my normal time and was absolutely appalled. I think once, someone let me through and had i not pushed my way in, i would still be there right now. Everyone was completely and totally all about themselves. Even when the 3 way stop sign came into play, people just up and ignored it. Seriously?!? It says stop! We are suppose to follow the law right?? people just blew through it because if they did not do that, some one would get in front of them which is the WHOLE purpose of the stop sign. One stops, the other goes after that the other goes, after that the other goes. It's a cycle that we've all grown up with and yet at church of all places we ignore it.

Seriously people. Let us drive like Christians and be nice.

MO-RO

We just got back from an interesting night in Royal Oak. I can't really say it was bad, because there were two good things, but everything else that happened was just strange. I'm uneasy about it all. That pit of the stomach feeling like... "what, huh??" you know?

So the good:

1. "They like Jesus, they won't give us their numbers and I'm still trying to figure out why we are standing here."
*classic*

2. Tyler (?) leaves for Korea in a couple days and wants a picture with two sweet girls... awesome. I'm pumped that we have pictures going on facebook. I'm not really sure why, but I'm really excited. Really excited. So anyway. We talk to them and tell them right off that bat that once they ask their question, we have one for them. So picture and talking blah blah so then we whip out our cards and ask for prayer requests. We receive back a "WHAT?!?" in unison from at least two of them and immediately following all four of the disperse to separate areas to write prayer requests without a second thought. Loved it. Then we pray with them right there in front of O'tooles in downtown royal oak. Then emily prays the gospel and it was beautiful and they all were looking at each other when she did it which made it even better. but you know what, she spoke to their souls. No matter what every other part of their body said, their souls smiled.

Now the not so good:

Emily, since you are the only one reading this most likely this is to you and what i thought the moment i walked into my room.

So we discussed demons (a little) tonight. Some people get super upset about writing down a prayer request and one guy in particular was TICKED. Dropping F bombs left and right and eventually stormed off after writing "good life" for his prayer request. But as Emily recanted the story to me I had this strong sense of demons. The fact that probably a demon was speaking through him. Why else would someone be in such a rant because we asked one simple question. Seriously, why? It's the only logical answer to me.

As I walked into my room, I thought to myself, maybe we have such a weird feeling about tonight because we didn't do what we were there to do. We walked down with the intentions of getting prayer requests, but maybe God had something else in store. Maybe we were there to fight the battle we weren't fighting but merely recongnizing that the evil side was most definitely not being challenged. I mean we have been given the knowledge to know what we have to do and how to fight it, maybe God is telling us to practice. Start your ministry here in the streets of royal oak. Who cares, just do it. You see it, get rid of it. Don't recognize and turn your back on it expecting it to go away.
That is what i thought. Pray about it I guess?
Very strange, but good night overall. I don't think we can have a bad night doing this. So thank you God for working your magic when things aren't perfect.

Wonderful

I love that I have so many fonts to choose from.

I love my Kairos group. Honestly. We make a perfect group.

I love the fact that I feel so comfortable with all of them, and I feel they feel the same way. Every time we get together to discuss our book (twice-bookwise, three times total) we hardly do. I mean of course we discuss it, but the conversations I love most come from the heart and they are merely triggered by what is written on the page. Like God himself is inspiring our words through another man's words. And the honesty that flows through our group is a awesome and a necessity. In a world where we are bombarded with lies, we need truth spoken even if we don't want to hear it. I am in love with my Kairos group.

I don't love the fact that I have to wait so long for our next encounter.

huh?

I have no idea how to use this...

I'm thoroughly confused and in need of a shower because I just ran four miles because it was nice outside and I could not see my breath <----- officially a run-on sentence.

So back to how I don't know how to use this. I added a picture. I'm adding a blog. I'm not sure how to search for blogs, all though I am only interested in reading one.... Emily's because it rocks. So as long as i can maneuver myself there, we are golden.

Bye.