I've been thinking a lot lately how I feel like I missed my boat (even though I know I didn't). Sometimes I let my thoughts linger there a bit too long. But really, I desire God. Part of me thinks it would be so pimp if I were graduating from Moody right now, or in my last year at Eternity Bible College, surfing, and knowing Chan personally (i'm getting sick of the podcast relationship... it's time to move to the next level). Part of me is unsure of why I am not doing any of the above - but the other part knows exactly why I am not. Because, first of all, I really didn't know about any of these until a year or so ago... EBC would be months ago. And second, because I don't think that is what God had in store for me, or, I'd be there.
Sometimes I try to play out the future of what may happen by my surrounding circumstances (people, work, relationships, life). Most of the time I end up in California because that is where Emily will most likely be and I'll follow her to the ends of the earth. It's like six degrees to California for me - and I pick the most absurd ways to get there too. Non of which are logical, because the God I'm in love with is CrAzY and completely willing to stir things up. I really do wonder what will happen. I think that is the most fun though. I'll never know until it happens and when it does, I have to buckle up and go along for the ride. Let Him "throw me into the fire" as Cliff would put it.
I feel it in my heart. I'm ready. But really I'm sure I'm not. I can never know what God has for me and I think I can only prepare so much for what might happen and the rest will be "on-the-job-training". I'm so very thankful that at this point in time my heart is truly breaking for those who don't know Jesus and love him dearly. I ask God so much to just break my heart and though it's breaking it's nothing compared to the love God feels for them... this I am sure of.
I'm not sure I have much else to say, except that I want more followers. :)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Video Time
I'm not sure what to think right now. My heart if overwhelmed with the fact that there are so many people out there who first of all don't want anything to do with God. Or second of all, know so much about him that they can give a good answer on camera, but turn around and live another life.
I'm said that Jordan, Jericho, and Joshua were not at qdoba tonight. Also that my friend was not at Jimmy Johns.
My heart is upset at the man at caribou and also at the man on the corner telling us about the government and also about the two men who would not even talk to us about anything that had to do with God. It hurt more than when people said that God meant nothing to them because at least then they acknowledge Him.
I don't know.
I'm said that Jordan, Jericho, and Joshua were not at qdoba tonight. Also that my friend was not at Jimmy Johns.
My heart is upset at the man at caribou and also at the man on the corner telling us about the government and also about the two men who would not even talk to us about anything that had to do with God. It hurt more than when people said that God meant nothing to them because at least then they acknowledge Him.
I don't know.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Fluttering
My heart flutters from the conversation I just had with my roommate about worship. She is so stinking sweet and I love her.
I love people that love Jesus. And I can't believe that I'm excited just from a story of what happened in her Kairos, not mine, but I am. And I love God all the more for it. It's like I'm proud - even though I'm so not her mom nor can i take any credit for anything what so ever. Love it. I don't even have words.
I love people that love Jesus. And I can't believe that I'm excited just from a story of what happened in her Kairos, not mine, but I am. And I love God all the more for it. It's like I'm proud - even though I'm so not her mom nor can i take any credit for anything what so ever. Love it. I don't even have words.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Working Class
Alright, before you read this, I need you to set aside all preconcieved notions about anything you know about life. Then I need you to take a step back and pretend you are an outsider looking in on a strange strange world.
I'm not sure who made up the rules, but what happened to us? Pretend you are married (or if you are, don't pretend) - So you wake up, maybe you see each other in the morning, maybe you don't. Then you go to work for 8, 10, 12 hours. So does your spouse, if you are lucky you guys work the same hours. So you spend 8-12 hours, or more, with your coworkers. Then you come home for, four maybe five hours before you need to sleep again and once again you lay down and sleep next to the one you are married to and wake up and play this game again. This sounds correct so far, right?
How does it make sense that we spend more time with our coworkers than with our spouse? Now, everyone wants to say that they are not materialistic, money is not the most important thing - family is. So, why is it that you spend more time apart than you do together? It's no wonder why people get divorced. They fall in love with the people they see most often. They get to spend their days and time together. How hard is it to do this??? To me, in my head, this makes absolutely NO sense what-so-ever. None. There has got to be other ways, and I know there are, but most people are so stuck in this home to work work to home cycle that they can't even look outside of this and see a better way.
Sorry. That's my rant. Probably more to come :)
I'm not sure who made up the rules, but what happened to us? Pretend you are married (or if you are, don't pretend) - So you wake up, maybe you see each other in the morning, maybe you don't. Then you go to work for 8, 10, 12 hours. So does your spouse, if you are lucky you guys work the same hours. So you spend 8-12 hours, or more, with your coworkers. Then you come home for, four maybe five hours before you need to sleep again and once again you lay down and sleep next to the one you are married to and wake up and play this game again. This sounds correct so far, right?
How does it make sense that we spend more time with our coworkers than with our spouse? Now, everyone wants to say that they are not materialistic, money is not the most important thing - family is. So, why is it that you spend more time apart than you do together? It's no wonder why people get divorced. They fall in love with the people they see most often. They get to spend their days and time together. How hard is it to do this??? To me, in my head, this makes absolutely NO sense what-so-ever. None. There has got to be other ways, and I know there are, but most people are so stuck in this home to work work to home cycle that they can't even look outside of this and see a better way.
Sorry. That's my rant. Probably more to come :)
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
This could be intense...
but I'm not sure yet. We'll see how it goes.
I'm not sure why people have a fascination about death. Have you ever noticed that if someone dies, you will surely hear about it, but if someone does something miraculous and amazing that it would be easy for you to go through life without hearing about it? I'm driving to Saginaw with my Dad and out of normal conversation he feels the need to tell me that a single mom who they knew through football, with two kids, was found dead in her car at a "casino" in Detroit. My immediate thoughts as follows: 1) Why are you telling me this? 2) Are you sure she was at a Casino? 3) She overdosed.
My Dad proceeded to tell me that they said she died of natural causes and was found a couple days after she had died. I was still not believing it, but didn't press the issue because I didn't even know her. Welcome to today, Tuesday April 21, 2009. I'm with my mom and she goes, "Oh did you hear about the lady from the chargers?" Yes Mom, I did (1. Why are you telling me this?). "Well it turns out she was a crack addict." Surprise, surprise. I looked at her and said, yes I knew she overdosed, i just knew. And immediately was ticked beyond belief because she left her two kids orphaned. How could you do that? It makes me sick. Absolutely sick. My soul is stirred beyond belief whenever I hear of stories like this. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what. I hate drugs. I despise the Devil for using this as a tactic to get to people. I hate how people's lives and families are ruined over it and I hate that people don't have enough guts to, "Just say no."
You may now think that I am a horrible person for saying all this because these people are addicted and can't get out of it. They are trapped. They need help. But, I've lived it first hand. It wasn't fun having my mom tell me that my brother was on the way to the hospital because he overdosed. Yeah i knew he smoked but really, can you overdose on pot? To my shocked horror, his girlfriend found him comatose on the floor of our basement blue and rigid from an overdose of heroin. ( The people laced the heroin with a pain killer that only cancer patients recieve... like 10 times stronger than morphine. The people wanted my brother to take it there and had he done that, he would have been dead. No ifs and's or but's about it. Dead. Hundreds of people died from this. Found slumped over in their cars. Sick, Sick drug dealers/people) Oh, and then my little brother came home to that too and saw him. The paramedics got there with seconds to spare I'm sure and saved his life, but who knows where he is now. It's not fun. It ruins a lot of things and I hate it. I hate that people like talking about it. It makes me sick. It makes me want to cry and save everyone who is affected by it.
People shouldn't be able to hear a story about how a lady died at a "casino" and know it their gut that they overdosed. People shouldn't be able to hear about someone being prescribed oxycotton for something and know that soon they will be hooked on heroin because it's cheaper and does a better job. People shouldn't be able to recognize a person doped out on drugs just by looking at their eyes. Our world should not be so tuned in to the negative of this world. We shouldn't have to know things like this, but it's sad that we do. The wrath of God is easily visible through the drug world. The wrath meaning we are turned over to the sin that we already enjoy.
God is still bigger than all of this, and through all of this, I know amazing stories can be produced and I can only hope for the such. I can only pray that those two kids can grow up to forgive their mom and make their lives better than that. That through it all they can see the love of God that so easily envelopes and long as we let it. God is good. And through it all He will remain Sovereign. Always. God will always pull people out of the slavery of drugs, but their will always be people going into it. I'm not sure we can stop it.
I'm not sure why people have a fascination about death. Have you ever noticed that if someone dies, you will surely hear about it, but if someone does something miraculous and amazing that it would be easy for you to go through life without hearing about it? I'm driving to Saginaw with my Dad and out of normal conversation he feels the need to tell me that a single mom who they knew through football, with two kids, was found dead in her car at a "casino" in Detroit. My immediate thoughts as follows: 1) Why are you telling me this? 2) Are you sure she was at a Casino? 3) She overdosed.
My Dad proceeded to tell me that they said she died of natural causes and was found a couple days after she had died. I was still not believing it, but didn't press the issue because I didn't even know her. Welcome to today, Tuesday April 21, 2009. I'm with my mom and she goes, "Oh did you hear about the lady from the chargers?" Yes Mom, I did (1. Why are you telling me this?). "Well it turns out she was a crack addict." Surprise, surprise. I looked at her and said, yes I knew she overdosed, i just knew. And immediately was ticked beyond belief because she left her two kids orphaned. How could you do that? It makes me sick. Absolutely sick. My soul is stirred beyond belief whenever I hear of stories like this. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what. I hate drugs. I despise the Devil for using this as a tactic to get to people. I hate how people's lives and families are ruined over it and I hate that people don't have enough guts to, "Just say no."
You may now think that I am a horrible person for saying all this because these people are addicted and can't get out of it. They are trapped. They need help. But, I've lived it first hand. It wasn't fun having my mom tell me that my brother was on the way to the hospital because he overdosed. Yeah i knew he smoked but really, can you overdose on pot? To my shocked horror, his girlfriend found him comatose on the floor of our basement blue and rigid from an overdose of heroin. ( The people laced the heroin with a pain killer that only cancer patients recieve... like 10 times stronger than morphine. The people wanted my brother to take it there and had he done that, he would have been dead. No ifs and's or but's about it. Dead. Hundreds of people died from this. Found slumped over in their cars. Sick, Sick drug dealers/people) Oh, and then my little brother came home to that too and saw him. The paramedics got there with seconds to spare I'm sure and saved his life, but who knows where he is now. It's not fun. It ruins a lot of things and I hate it. I hate that people like talking about it. It makes me sick. It makes me want to cry and save everyone who is affected by it.
People shouldn't be able to hear a story about how a lady died at a "casino" and know it their gut that they overdosed. People shouldn't be able to hear about someone being prescribed oxycotton for something and know that soon they will be hooked on heroin because it's cheaper and does a better job. People shouldn't be able to recognize a person doped out on drugs just by looking at their eyes. Our world should not be so tuned in to the negative of this world. We shouldn't have to know things like this, but it's sad that we do. The wrath of God is easily visible through the drug world. The wrath meaning we are turned over to the sin that we already enjoy.
God is still bigger than all of this, and through all of this, I know amazing stories can be produced and I can only hope for the such. I can only pray that those two kids can grow up to forgive their mom and make their lives better than that. That through it all they can see the love of God that so easily envelopes and long as we let it. God is good. And through it all He will remain Sovereign. Always. God will always pull people out of the slavery of drugs, but their will always be people going into it. I'm not sure we can stop it.
Monday, April 20, 2009
IDK
I'm not sure about things sometimes.
For instance, positive thinking is what we should be thinking about all the time. And yes, if you want to make a vision board of where you would like to be in a year, 3 months, whatever, that's totally fine. There is nothing wrong with that. Absolutely none. If you wanted to do something for the Kingdom of God, wouldn't you like a reminder of what you were working for? You bet I would. But the face that the book The Secret talks all about that and that some people are worshiping this book, yeah that's wrong. But, you know what, The Magic of Thinking Big talks all about that too, The Secret isn't the first.
People don't know how to dream anymore. They are so use to people telling them that their dreams don't come true that they just don't dream. What if God calls us to dream? What if our dreams glorify our God? Instead of being stuck in a mediocre life saying, this is where God wants me, when really you know that's not true and eventually you'll stop feeling His tug to get you out of that life and He'll let you sit there.
Sorry.
I don't know why I feel sad. I asked God to break my heart for the people at work today and to show me the love He has for them. I'm not sure if this aftermath sadness is His or me being a weirdo. There was nothing personally that happened to me.
It was four twenty today and half my coworkers were toasted.
I found out that my suspicions were correct about someone I know having an affair with someone I don't really know but is an acquaintance. I also found out it's not the first time. Why? Why would someone do this? Marriage is sacred. When you know they are married, why would you continue? Why are you so desperate? Why do you look at yourself that way? Even in non Christian society's, affairs are NOT okay. i'm sickened by it.
I wish I felt like people really cared about what other people had to say. I'm sorry when people are ignored, talked over, or pushed a side. I hurt for them.
For instance, positive thinking is what we should be thinking about all the time. And yes, if you want to make a vision board of where you would like to be in a year, 3 months, whatever, that's totally fine. There is nothing wrong with that. Absolutely none. If you wanted to do something for the Kingdom of God, wouldn't you like a reminder of what you were working for? You bet I would. But the face that the book The Secret talks all about that and that some people are worshiping this book, yeah that's wrong. But, you know what, The Magic of Thinking Big talks all about that too, The Secret isn't the first.
People don't know how to dream anymore. They are so use to people telling them that their dreams don't come true that they just don't dream. What if God calls us to dream? What if our dreams glorify our God? Instead of being stuck in a mediocre life saying, this is where God wants me, when really you know that's not true and eventually you'll stop feeling His tug to get you out of that life and He'll let you sit there.
Sorry.
I don't know why I feel sad. I asked God to break my heart for the people at work today and to show me the love He has for them. I'm not sure if this aftermath sadness is His or me being a weirdo. There was nothing personally that happened to me.
It was four twenty today and half my coworkers were toasted.
I found out that my suspicions were correct about someone I know having an affair with someone I don't really know but is an acquaintance. I also found out it's not the first time. Why? Why would someone do this? Marriage is sacred. When you know they are married, why would you continue? Why are you so desperate? Why do you look at yourself that way? Even in non Christian society's, affairs are NOT okay. i'm sickened by it.
I wish I felt like people really cared about what other people had to say. I'm sorry when people are ignored, talked over, or pushed a side. I hurt for them.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Weak Spots
I have a few weak spots.
1. Jesus
2. People in love with Jesus
3. Jesus handkerchiefs, not the green prosperity ones though.
(Is that really how you spell that... HAND KER Chiefs? )
4. Francis Chan
5. Spoonfuls of icing straight from the jar, like ice cream
In all honesty, Jesus really rocks. I don't really know what else to say to that. I feel like He gives me answers to things that I did not even know I had a question too. Really? Yes, really. How's that possible, you ask? I'm not sure. But I do know that it happens.
For Instance:
Why did we run into all the same people in RO last week? I'm pretty sure I know now.
Do I need to spend more time in prayer with my Love? Yeah, I'm pretty positive of that too.
The name of Jesus Christ is great.
1. Jesus
2. People in love with Jesus
3. Jesus handkerchiefs, not the green prosperity ones though.
(Is that really how you spell that... HAND KER Chiefs? )
4. Francis Chan
5. Spoonfuls of icing straight from the jar, like ice cream
In all honesty, Jesus really rocks. I don't really know what else to say to that. I feel like He gives me answers to things that I did not even know I had a question too. Really? Yes, really. How's that possible, you ask? I'm not sure. But I do know that it happens.
For Instance:
Why did we run into all the same people in RO last week? I'm pretty sure I know now.
Do I need to spend more time in prayer with my Love? Yeah, I'm pretty positive of that too.
The name of Jesus Christ is great.
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