Fluttering

My heart flutters from the conversation I just had with my roommate about worship. She is so stinking sweet and I love her.

I love people that love Jesus. And I can't believe that I'm excited just from a story of what happened in her Kairos, not mine, but I am. And I love God all the more for it. It's like I'm proud - even though I'm so not her mom nor can i take any credit for anything what so ever. Love it. I don't even have words.

The Working Class

Alright, before you read this, I need you to set aside all preconcieved notions about anything you know about life. Then I need you to take a step back and pretend you are an outsider looking in on a strange strange world.

I'm not sure who made up the rules, but what happened to us? Pretend you are married (or if you are, don't pretend) - So you wake up, maybe you see each other in the morning, maybe you don't. Then you go to work for 8, 10, 12 hours. So does your spouse, if you are lucky you guys work the same hours. So you spend 8-12 hours, or more, with your coworkers. Then you come home for, four maybe five hours before you need to sleep again and once again you lay down and sleep next to the one you are married to and wake up and play this game again. This sounds correct so far, right?

How does it make sense that we spend more time with our coworkers than with our spouse? Now, everyone wants to say that they are not materialistic, money is not the most important thing - family is. So, why is it that you spend more time apart than you do together? It's no wonder why people get divorced. They fall in love with the people they see most often. They get to spend their days and time together. How hard is it to do this??? To me, in my head, this makes absolutely NO sense what-so-ever. None. There has got to be other ways, and I know there are, but most people are so stuck in this home to work work to home cycle that they can't even look outside of this and see a better way.

Sorry. That's my rant. Probably more to come :)

This could be intense...

but I'm not sure yet. We'll see how it goes.

I'm not sure why people have a fascination about death. Have you ever noticed that if someone dies, you will surely hear about it, but if someone does something miraculous and amazing that it would be easy for you to go through life without hearing about it? I'm driving to Saginaw with my Dad and out of normal conversation he feels the need to tell me that a single mom who they knew through football, with two kids, was found dead in her car at a "casino" in Detroit. My immediate thoughts as follows: 1) Why are you telling me this? 2) Are you sure she was at a Casino? 3) She overdosed.

My Dad proceeded to tell me that they said she died of natural causes and was found a couple days after she had died. I was still not believing it, but didn't press the issue because I didn't even know her. Welcome to today, Tuesday April 21, 2009. I'm with my mom and she goes, "Oh did you hear about the lady from the chargers?" Yes Mom, I did (1. Why are you telling me this?). "Well it turns out she was a crack addict." Surprise, surprise. I looked at her and said, yes I knew she overdosed, i just knew. And immediately was ticked beyond belief because she left her two kids orphaned. How could you do that? It makes me sick. Absolutely sick. My soul is stirred beyond belief whenever I hear of stories like this. It makes me want to do something, but I don't know what. I hate drugs. I despise the Devil for using this as a tactic to get to people. I hate how people's lives and families are ruined over it and I hate that people don't have enough guts to, "Just say no."

You may now think that I am a horrible person for saying all this because these people are addicted and can't get out of it. They are trapped. They need help. But, I've lived it first hand. It wasn't fun having my mom tell me that my brother was on the way to the hospital because he overdosed. Yeah i knew he smoked but really, can you overdose on pot? To my shocked horror, his girlfriend found him comatose on the floor of our basement blue and rigid from an overdose of heroin. ( The people laced the heroin with a pain killer that only cancer patients recieve... like 10 times stronger than morphine. The people wanted my brother to take it there and had he done that, he would have been dead. No ifs and's or but's about it. Dead. Hundreds of people died from this. Found slumped over in their cars. Sick, Sick drug dealers/people) Oh, and then my little brother came home to that too and saw him. The paramedics got there with seconds to spare I'm sure and saved his life, but who knows where he is now. It's not fun. It ruins a lot of things and I hate it. I hate that people like talking about it. It makes me sick. It makes me want to cry and save everyone who is affected by it.

People shouldn't be able to hear a story about how a lady died at a "casino" and know it their gut that they overdosed. People shouldn't be able to hear about someone being prescribed oxycotton for something and know that soon they will be hooked on heroin because it's cheaper and does a better job. People shouldn't be able to recognize a person doped out on drugs just by looking at their eyes. Our world should not be so tuned in to the negative of this world. We shouldn't have to know things like this, but it's sad that we do. The wrath of God is easily visible through the drug world. The wrath meaning we are turned over to the sin that we already enjoy.

God is still bigger than all of this, and through all of this, I know amazing stories can be produced and I can only hope for the such. I can only pray that those two kids can grow up to forgive their mom and make their lives better than that. That through it all they can see the love of God that so easily envelopes and long as we let it. God is good. And through it all He will remain Sovereign. Always. God will always pull people out of the slavery of drugs, but their will always be people going into it. I'm not sure we can stop it.

IDK

I'm not sure about things sometimes.

For instance, positive thinking is what we should be thinking about all the time. And yes, if you want to make a vision board of where you would like to be in a year, 3 months, whatever, that's totally fine. There is nothing wrong with that. Absolutely none. If you wanted to do something for the Kingdom of God, wouldn't you like a reminder of what you were working for? You bet I would. But the face that the book The Secret talks all about that and that some people are worshiping this book, yeah that's wrong. But, you know what, The Magic of Thinking Big talks all about that too, The Secret isn't the first.

People don't know how to dream anymore. They are so use to people telling them that their dreams don't come true that they just don't dream. What if God calls us to dream? What if our dreams glorify our God? Instead of being stuck in a mediocre life saying, this is where God wants me, when really you know that's not true and eventually you'll stop feeling His tug to get you out of that life and He'll let you sit there.

Sorry.

I don't know why I feel sad. I asked God to break my heart for the people at work today and to show me the love He has for them. I'm not sure if this aftermath sadness is His or me being a weirdo. There was nothing personally that happened to me.

It was four twenty today and half my coworkers were toasted.

I found out that my suspicions were correct about someone I know having an affair with someone I don't really know but is an acquaintance. I also found out it's not the first time. Why? Why would someone do this? Marriage is sacred. When you know they are married, why would you continue? Why are you so desperate? Why do you look at yourself that way? Even in non Christian society's, affairs are NOT okay. i'm sickened by it.

I wish I felt like people really cared about what other people had to say. I'm sorry when people are ignored, talked over, or pushed a side. I hurt for them.

Weak Spots

I have a few weak spots.

1. Jesus
2. People in love with Jesus
3. Jesus handkerchiefs, not the green prosperity ones though.
(Is that really how you spell that... HAND KER Chiefs? )
4. Francis Chan
5. Spoonfuls of icing straight from the jar, like ice cream

In all honesty, Jesus really rocks. I don't really know what else to say to that. I feel like He gives me answers to things that I did not even know I had a question too. Really? Yes, really. How's that possible, you ask? I'm not sure. But I do know that it happens.
For Instance:
Why did we run into all the same people in RO last week? I'm pretty sure I know now.
Do I need to spend more time in prayer with my Love? Yeah, I'm pretty positive of that too.

The name of Jesus Christ is great.

Francis...

Oh Francis Chan.
It's not that I'm obsessed with Chan - or maybe I am. I'm not sure. I definitely don't want to be obsessed in anyway. But, all of the sermons that I have heard from him are completely biblical. He really is showing the people in his church how to live a Christian life. Everything he does says Jesus. I want to be like that. I want my life to scream Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
He's not baptist, he's not protestant, he's not Methodist, he's not this, he's not that, he's biblical. Straight up.
Maybe it's best to say that God is using him to speak to me. That's best. Really, it's not a bad thing that certain people don't speak to me like others, because I know that they are being used to speak to other people. That is beautiful.

I want to live off of ten percent of my income.
I want to share my house with another family and save money so we can give more away.
I want to give things away freely - like my car.
I want to walk to work. - 14 ish miles? crazy.
I want to love the homeless, the drunks, the prostitutes, everyone.
I want to give my extra rooms to people who need it.

There are people everywhere that are doing this. I want to be one of them.

I can't believe we wanted to go home tonight...MO-RO

Yep, we wanted to leave. It was cold. We didn't know what we were doing. Weren't feeling it. Okay.

There is so much to say, I don't even know where to start. Let's start with Kyle. I think I talked about him last time so if you are really curious go look it up... MO RO something. Q'Doba: Jericho. Josh ( who i stared at until he said hi but really only said hi because we were staring, not because he remembered us). Jordan (we got a girl's number today!!! :) ) So we are walking excited about life. Here we go.

Guy walks down the street on his phone. Glasses like mine, stops looks up and says, "I like your glasses." And keeps walking.
My response, "i like yours too!!" lightbulb goes off " OH MY GOSH!!! You are TED (last name i said too but i won't tell you) You work at Guitar Center!! You told me kind of strings to buy!! "
He quickly ends his call and tells the person he's blowing them off because I somehow know him.
I try to tell him how we know each other. Instead he turns to emily and say, "She is really cute." Which is exactly what happened last time. Then we something was said and his lightbulb goes off :
"YOU ARE THE CHRISTIAN GIRLS!!!!! I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU AGAIN."
Meanwhile emily and i are dying laughing because well.... this is ridiculous. I can't tell you more because, really, why do you care and it's not funny unless you are emily and were there.

Keep walking we run into Marcus from my old old starbucks job, Christine from my current starbucks job, TJ who looks odly familiar to us both and we talk to them.

We decide it's time to go. Then we hear a trumpet playing. SAY WHAT?!?! Yup trumpet. That would be dave. His car got stolen a year and a half ago from detroit. He plays on the corner of main and where starbucks is. He won't be back until the first weekend of may and we met him I believe the first time we came out to RO. We have never seen him since and for some reason emily and I both had cash on us tonight. Thanks God.

Tonight was great. and full of laughter because it was so ridiculous. We always wondered if we would start seeing people again and tonight, like clockwork we saw so many people who we talked to previously. It was great. I loved it. I'm not sure what it means, but there's a reason for it and all I can do is pray. Thank you who graciously provided us with so much joy tonight it was unnecessary.

God is good All the time.

there's so much more but maybe emily will write about it.

Jesus You gave it ALL for me!

So really, if Jesus died for me... I never have a problem giving up sleep for him. Whatever. Next subject.

Oh I just want to leave and go to BRazil or something and chill with kids in the MORE PROJECT who are wanted on the streets to hussle drugs but they don't because they love Jesus.

I want to give EMILY my starbucks frozen pastries in my freezer to take to california when she goes so she can give them to the homeless when her and jon hang out.

I want to spend my entire night in a field loving Jesus with my friends.

Lighthouse rocked to night and I wish that It was still going and i was singing but really i wouldn't have a voice tomorrow.

I'm excited to hang out with my family tomorrow and tell them how much Jesus loves us all.

I don't know. Bye

Secret Mission

We met tonight. In the Lighthouse room. It's 205 am. Thank you God for giving this group ideas beyond comprehension for most places. I'm sure there out there, but I've yet to find a group that is as awesome as the Lighthouse Collective. Thank you for the intimacy. May we learn from this experience in order to have many more.

We Love you.

Dreams...

So I'm all for writing multiple blogs in a minutes time frame. I looked at my last blog about Chan and decided he should make it into every blog of mine. But besides that I saw one of the last words, California, and remebered my dream last night. It goes like this:

I was at the Mccllelands home and there was a bunch of people my age and some younger all over the house. It wasn't exactly their house, it was more mansion - ish, but it was their house if you understand how dreams go. So there was someone passing out books of some sort about Jesus. There was kid on the bed, smaller and younger than I, who uppon recieving his book proceeded to yell and scream and all I knew in that moment was that he needed to be delivered because this was strictly spiritual. I being surrounded by friends, for a split second stopped to consider what they would think if I openly delivered this kid. But i proceeded. For some reason I could barely talk. It was like a weight on my chest and my voice was gone and I had to scream to get a whisper out. (Mind you, this is not the first time I have felt this in my sleep...creepy) So i began to rebuke the demon by saying, "In the name of Jesus Christ, i rebuke you..." or something to that effect. It was harder to say each time i said it. The kid's reaction proved more than anything that I was doing the right thing. He came after me and began to punch me and kick me. I had to get him on the ground and pin his legs and arms down and continue to rebuke the demon while he tried to hurt me. For some reason I didn't finish.

Skip to immediate dream after this ended:

I was with my friends and we apparently had been waiting in line to talk to Jesus, although I had no recollection of waiting because my dream started when i was standing before Him. He proceeded to tell me that I would have a ministry in deliverance. I asked Him where. He told me the capital of a small city ( he told me and I can't remember... it was not santa monica... it did start with a st.) in California. I turned around to see the long line of people who were waiting to talk to Him (makind me realize we waited in line) and I dropped to my knees on the dirt road and wept with my face in my hands. Not because He had spoken to me, but because He had given me a purpose.

Life

I'm not sure what to do with Life. Part of me pulls in one direction... then I listen to Chan and the rest of me pulls in the other direction. Maybe I should stop listening to one of them, because only one can be right... the one God is speaking through. I feel sometimes that I'm wasting my time here on earth. On a sermon about eternal living, Chan asked us three questions at the end (only one i remember becaue i immediately started thinking and I guess I can't think and listen at the same time) but it was: "What have you done on earth this week that will make a difference up there?" Shoot. I wasn't sure. We had a Bible study on Monday that rocked. And yes, it helped us all grow more in the Lord, but did it help someone outside of our group? I'm not sure. I saw the blonde prego lady sitting behind us look at our Bibles, look at us, and look at our Bibles again before she sat down. Maybe it made for interesting conversation between her friends, or maybe it sparked something inside of her, or maybe she thought we were plain weird. Who knows.

I'm really excited because someone from beaumont talked to me today and is coming to Lighthouse on Friday. yay

Chan

I wonder why Francis Chan rocks so much.
I wonder why Simi Valley, California can't be closer to Sterling Heights, MI.
I wonder if Francis would find it sweet to find out that someone in Sterling Heights, MI is listening to his podcast...because I would.
I wonder why all people could not be as sweet as Chan.
I wonder why all pastors aren't as biblical, solid, and not afraid to stir things up like my man Chan.
I wonder why I don't live in California just to go to his church.