I'm journal-less and dying inside because of it. This morning I'm sitting downstairs with Jen telling her how confusing Romans is and how difficult it is for me to read it because Paul has a way with words here that obviously really confuses me. Not two seconds later God rocks my world and shows me so much stuff. Awesome!
Best verse ever: The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. Romans 8:19
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed... Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8: Something find it yourself.
Chan was just talking the other day about this I believe. How we should be waiting for this. Sitting on the edge of our seats just waiting for the day that Christ returns. Waiting in EAGER EXPECTATION and waiting PATIENTLY. Sometimes though, I'm not very patient and I just want it to happen. Then i realize how selfish I am and I go back to the verse in 1 Timothy (2:3-4) that says, " This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." So then i become patient again realizing that not everyone who needs to has handed their lives into God's hands. It makes me pray more. This all is just clarification that we need to be living everyday to honor God and glorify Him. We are not promised tomorrow.
With that, go out and make the most of opportunity. Success = when opportunity is met with preparedness.
Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction. 2 Timothy 4: 2
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
2 Timothy
I just sat down to read 2 Timothy for tonight. Boy Oh Boy is it intense. One might think that I would have learned my lesson after reading 1 Timothy in one sitting. But, Nope. There is just so much in these books.
Here are two things that completely rocked me.
1. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes by the rules. -- 2 Timothy 2: 3-5
My immediate thought is that people really don't read the Bible. If they did, they would read things like this and go, "Oh. So if i party hardcore all week long but go to church every Sunday... that's still not good enough? I'm suppose to live like a soldier would and obey rules? Really?"
2. Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. -- 2 Timothy 4:2-4
My jaw dropped and I thought, "This is us now." Arguments are made left and right about all sorts of things, for the sole reason that anyone can make anything look the way they would like it to. Just make a sound argument and, "Ta Da" You've got yourself a new theology. woop woop! That's why it's so important that we read EVERY day in order to stay sound and solid in the Living Word of Christ Jesus.
Here are two things that completely rocked me.
1. Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes by the rules. -- 2 Timothy 2: 3-5
My immediate thought is that people really don't read the Bible. If they did, they would read things like this and go, "Oh. So if i party hardcore all week long but go to church every Sunday... that's still not good enough? I'm suppose to live like a soldier would and obey rules? Really?"
2. Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. -- 2 Timothy 4:2-4
My jaw dropped and I thought, "This is us now." Arguments are made left and right about all sorts of things, for the sole reason that anyone can make anything look the way they would like it to. Just make a sound argument and, "Ta Da" You've got yourself a new theology. woop woop! That's why it's so important that we read EVERY day in order to stay sound and solid in the Living Word of Christ Jesus.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Deliverance
This is not my story but Taylor Griffith's ( http://taylorgriffith.theworldrace.org/?filename=bio ) He is a member of the World Race trip leaving in June. This story is crazy insane and God seriously did it all. He is The Most Powerful.
Eighteen years ago I became ensnared by the attractive web of hardcore porn. I was a six year old Christian and the 18 years that followed have been full of many different struggles. I mean, I'm sure we can all attest to having mommy and daddy issues, issues of self-worth, loneliness, insecurity, and hopelessness. I experienced all of these and more. It was all big stuff, but the porn, that eventually grew into a drive for sex, continued to be a CRUSHING burden with no escape in sight. I did experience growth and success in areas of my life and even bared fruit in the name of Christ, but I never experienced deliverance, deliverance that we all read so much about in the Bible. That is until this Thursday, April 2nd, on AIM's training grounds.
After five days of experiencing freedom from my generational family sin, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, the need for female attention, and a laundry list of others, we began talking about spiritual gifts like: prophecy, healing, visions, and intercession. After Pastor Mark finished speaking, he invited any member of our 34 person team, who wanted more of what God had to offer, even if we weren't sure about all this stuff, to come up and be prayed for. I knew that I wanted to receive any gifts that God would give me, so I walked up, trying the whole time to fight off the doubts that continued to grow in my mind. You see, after experiencing days full of emotional freedom, and a pouring and softening of my heart, it was strange that on this night I didn't feel a thing, nothing at all. As I'm standing there, waiting, Matt, one of our leaders, looks up at me from praying over a friend. He gives me a huge smile and points at me while mouthing the word, "You!" At this point I knew it was time to get down to bitness.
Continue reading at your own "religious" risk, because I'm about to blow the top off that box you've kept God in all these years! I'm not really sure why I fell, but as Matt and Pastor Mark began praying over me, I lost my footing and Matt slowly lowered me to the ground. They never stopped praying, even for a second. Pastor Mark walked off to tend to others, while my brother Will walked over to replace him. At this point I had begun to shake sporadically . I would experience short bursts of intense shaking, or a long sting of gentle shaking. My left hand began to take on the form like that of a stroke victim and my mouth was locked in some form a "O" shape. I began to feel something moving in my arm and mouth as well. It was as if my body were numb and asleep, without the needling pain that usually accompanies such sensations. As my convulsions grew bigger and more intense, I started sputtering. The men praying over me were encouraging me to speak in tongues and inviting the Holy Spirit to work through me. All the while I was thinking, "Hmm, this is getting pretty weird, but I guess I'm starting to speak in tongues!"
Matt heard my sputters and urged me to speak louder. Will was beginning to praise God, but his heart was telling him to, "Rebuke!" Will was confused, "No God, this is a good thing! He's speaking in tongues and your Spirit is on him. This can't be bad!" But his heart continued to shout, "Rebuke!" He was getting frustrated, so he opened his eyes. When he did this, what he saw and did after his eyes were open confirmed what his heart was saying. At the base of my throat was a giant lump and when Will put his hand on the lump, I think we all knew at that moment it wasn't the Holy Spirit I was manifesting, but a demon! "Holy s--t...it's a demon," I remember thinking. The intensity of Matt's prayers increased and I could literally feel the air around me growing thicker as my convulsions and their prayers grew in paralleled unison. Once Matt felt that it was a demon, he began asking God to give him its name. He prayed louder and harder! "Give me a name Lord! I need the name!" That was all Will needed to hear and he finally confirmed his heart with his mouth and shouted, "I rebuke you!" Matt immediately followed that with the demon's name, "Sexual shame!"
My eyes shot open! My body took on a mind of its own! I had no control, but I felt everything. Anger, so much anger! Their hands had been on me, but they lost their grip as I tried to pull away. I started for the left side of the room, but by this time they had tackled me back to the ground. I was clawing the ground and screaming, "Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!" With a guttural scream that came from something deeper than myself. It was full of fear, power, and hate. I was literally dragging the two of them across the room. They never stopped praying! Time seemed to slow down and the two to three minutes after the demon manifested itself seem much longer now as I'm remembering it. By this time two more guys on our team joined Matt and Will in holding me down and praying over me. I remember seeing Warren and AJ with their faces taking on intense forms of prayer as the demon was trying to fight them off. Four men were trying to hold me down and I was still dragging them as I fought. I was so strong! Then there came the turning point...
I literally felt a weight come over me, that was so heavy, I can only assume was the hand of God. The demon was powerless, but I could still feel the intense hatred! Somehow during this time they flipped me onto my back and Matt had begun praying into my face as loudly and powerfully as he could muster. The demon looked him square in the face and the hate grew more intense! It was hard to believe! My screams of, "Nooo!", turned to curses of, "F--- you! F--- you! F--- you!" They never stopped praying. The process climaxed and the Spirit of God was upon me. The demon had no choice, but to flee, he was beaten.
I immediately felt an incredible peace. I was sweating, hoarse, and exhausted beyond measure, but there was a giant smile on my face. I knew and felt God's love in the deepest parts of my soul. I had been given freedom, a word that has become the theme of my life these past days. I finally recognized the power of God's people and the strength he's put in all us Christians! The box of religion that I've always put him in was laying pieces around me. "Thank you Father," I breathed.
--- If you have any questions, I encourage you to ask! This is pretty big stuff for most of us. It is big for me! But I believe that our God is capable of anything! He loves you and wants you to know that He sent His son to set you free!
~~~
Free indeed.
Eighteen years ago I became ensnared by the attractive web of hardcore porn. I was a six year old Christian and the 18 years that followed have been full of many different struggles. I mean, I'm sure we can all attest to having mommy and daddy issues, issues of self-worth, loneliness, insecurity, and hopelessness. I experienced all of these and more. It was all big stuff, but the porn, that eventually grew into a drive for sex, continued to be a CRUSHING burden with no escape in sight. I did experience growth and success in areas of my life and even bared fruit in the name of Christ, but I never experienced deliverance, deliverance that we all read so much about in the Bible. That is until this Thursday, April 2nd, on AIM's training grounds.
After five days of experiencing freedom from my generational family sin, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, the need for female attention, and a laundry list of others, we began talking about spiritual gifts like: prophecy, healing, visions, and intercession. After Pastor Mark finished speaking, he invited any member of our 34 person team, who wanted more of what God had to offer, even if we weren't sure about all this stuff, to come up and be prayed for. I knew that I wanted to receive any gifts that God would give me, so I walked up, trying the whole time to fight off the doubts that continued to grow in my mind. You see, after experiencing days full of emotional freedom, and a pouring and softening of my heart, it was strange that on this night I didn't feel a thing, nothing at all. As I'm standing there, waiting, Matt, one of our leaders, looks up at me from praying over a friend. He gives me a huge smile and points at me while mouthing the word, "You!" At this point I knew it was time to get down to bitness.
Continue reading at your own "religious" risk, because I'm about to blow the top off that box you've kept God in all these years! I'm not really sure why I fell, but as Matt and Pastor Mark began praying over me, I lost my footing and Matt slowly lowered me to the ground. They never stopped praying, even for a second. Pastor Mark walked off to tend to others, while my brother Will walked over to replace him. At this point I had begun to shake sporadically . I would experience short bursts of intense shaking, or a long sting of gentle shaking. My left hand began to take on the form like that of a stroke victim and my mouth was locked in some form a "O" shape. I began to feel something moving in my arm and mouth as well. It was as if my body were numb and asleep, without the needling pain that usually accompanies such sensations. As my convulsions grew bigger and more intense, I started sputtering. The men praying over me were encouraging me to speak in tongues and inviting the Holy Spirit to work through me. All the while I was thinking, "Hmm, this is getting pretty weird, but I guess I'm starting to speak in tongues!"
Matt heard my sputters and urged me to speak louder. Will was beginning to praise God, but his heart was telling him to, "Rebuke!" Will was confused, "No God, this is a good thing! He's speaking in tongues and your Spirit is on him. This can't be bad!" But his heart continued to shout, "Rebuke!" He was getting frustrated, so he opened his eyes. When he did this, what he saw and did after his eyes were open confirmed what his heart was saying. At the base of my throat was a giant lump and when Will put his hand on the lump, I think we all knew at that moment it wasn't the Holy Spirit I was manifesting, but a demon! "Holy s--t...it's a demon," I remember thinking. The intensity of Matt's prayers increased and I could literally feel the air around me growing thicker as my convulsions and their prayers grew in paralleled unison. Once Matt felt that it was a demon, he began asking God to give him its name. He prayed louder and harder! "Give me a name Lord! I need the name!" That was all Will needed to hear and he finally confirmed his heart with his mouth and shouted, "I rebuke you!" Matt immediately followed that with the demon's name, "Sexual shame!"
My eyes shot open! My body took on a mind of its own! I had no control, but I felt everything. Anger, so much anger! Their hands had been on me, but they lost their grip as I tried to pull away. I started for the left side of the room, but by this time they had tackled me back to the ground. I was clawing the ground and screaming, "Nooo! Nooo! Nooo!" With a guttural scream that came from something deeper than myself. It was full of fear, power, and hate. I was literally dragging the two of them across the room. They never stopped praying! Time seemed to slow down and the two to three minutes after the demon manifested itself seem much longer now as I'm remembering it. By this time two more guys on our team joined Matt and Will in holding me down and praying over me. I remember seeing Warren and AJ with their faces taking on intense forms of prayer as the demon was trying to fight them off. Four men were trying to hold me down and I was still dragging them as I fought. I was so strong! Then there came the turning point...
I literally felt a weight come over me, that was so heavy, I can only assume was the hand of God. The demon was powerless, but I could still feel the intense hatred! Somehow during this time they flipped me onto my back and Matt had begun praying into my face as loudly and powerfully as he could muster. The demon looked him square in the face and the hate grew more intense! It was hard to believe! My screams of, "Nooo!", turned to curses of, "F--- you! F--- you! F--- you!" They never stopped praying. The process climaxed and the Spirit of God was upon me. The demon had no choice, but to flee, he was beaten.
I immediately felt an incredible peace. I was sweating, hoarse, and exhausted beyond measure, but there was a giant smile on my face. I knew and felt God's love in the deepest parts of my soul. I had been given freedom, a word that has become the theme of my life these past days. I finally recognized the power of God's people and the strength he's put in all us Christians! The box of religion that I've always put him in was laying pieces around me. "Thank you Father," I breathed.
--- If you have any questions, I encourage you to ask! This is pretty big stuff for most of us. It is big for me! But I believe that our God is capable of anything! He loves you and wants you to know that He sent His son to set you free!
~~~
Free indeed.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
In 3 days...
...Emily and I were suppose to leave for our summer long trip across America. The schedule was as follows:
May 17 = Buffalo
May 21 = NYC
May 28 = Pittsburgh
June 1 = Chicago
June 8 = St. Louis
June 15 = Phoenix
June 23 = California bound
July 23 = homeward bound
It's crazy to think that this was happening... to the point where I have all the dates written down. Maybe Emily will read this and say, "Hey, we are still leaving on the 17th, pack your bags. Quit your job. Let's go." Who really needs a job anyway. They are a waste of time to me.
I just want to live my life to the fullest and fullest means doing as much for God as I possibly can. Even if that means leaving in 3 days to talk to all the major city drunks and get their prayer requests. One day, besides MORO, Emily and I are going to do something so strange that it will blow the socks off of more than just our Pastor and his wife.
May 17 = Buffalo
May 21 = NYC
May 28 = Pittsburgh
June 1 = Chicago
June 8 = St. Louis
June 15 = Phoenix
June 23 = California bound
July 23 = homeward bound
It's crazy to think that this was happening... to the point where I have all the dates written down. Maybe Emily will read this and say, "Hey, we are still leaving on the 17th, pack your bags. Quit your job. Let's go." Who really needs a job anyway. They are a waste of time to me.
I just want to live my life to the fullest and fullest means doing as much for God as I possibly can. Even if that means leaving in 3 days to talk to all the major city drunks and get their prayer requests. One day, besides MORO, Emily and I are going to do something so strange that it will blow the socks off of more than just our Pastor and his wife.
Monday, May 11, 2009
unsure
I'm unsure of what to blog about, but I am blogging anyway. I went running today and once again felt like the muscle on my rib was about to rip off, so I walked.
I realized last night that I don't often read the Bible as a story, but more like a textbook. Last night, as Cliff went through Acts, I was aching to know what happened next. As much as I disliked hearing all the details of the book in the beginning, I really enjoy it now. So anyway, Paul is about to be chained and blah blah and then Cliff decides to stop reading and talk about it. I felt like I was in a movie, and suddenly the whole thing broke right at the climax. Holy cow... So I just kept reading and reading, sorry Cliff... I had to find out what happened. But I loved it. I usually really enjoy fictional books, but don't read them often because it's a waste of my time, and now I feel as though this is the most riveting book I've read so far. I mean really, Paul is super hardcore. Is it wrong to pray for persecution? Sometimes I really want to, but then I chicken out and don't. But God still hears my thoughts so I'm not sure if I've prayed about it or not. I know during persecution, I might not like it, but I'd like to think I would rejoice in it. I guess I'll never know until it happens....
I realized last night that I don't often read the Bible as a story, but more like a textbook. Last night, as Cliff went through Acts, I was aching to know what happened next. As much as I disliked hearing all the details of the book in the beginning, I really enjoy it now. So anyway, Paul is about to be chained and blah blah and then Cliff decides to stop reading and talk about it. I felt like I was in a movie, and suddenly the whole thing broke right at the climax. Holy cow... So I just kept reading and reading, sorry Cliff... I had to find out what happened. But I loved it. I usually really enjoy fictional books, but don't read them often because it's a waste of my time, and now I feel as though this is the most riveting book I've read so far. I mean really, Paul is super hardcore. Is it wrong to pray for persecution? Sometimes I really want to, but then I chicken out and don't. But God still hears my thoughts so I'm not sure if I've prayed about it or not. I know during persecution, I might not like it, but I'd like to think I would rejoice in it. I guess I'll never know until it happens....
Thursday, May 7, 2009
God is crazy.
I just had one of the strangest conversations I've ever had with anyone. Not really strange in the context of the conversations, but in the outcome and everything underlying it. That is all I'll say. But as I'm talking to this person, I have the sense that they just do not understand. I do not think that you can explain away a passion for Jesus Christ. You can, but it does not matter how eloquently we use our words or how un-eloquently we use our words. It is not up to us whether or not they get it. I thank God for this ever realizing concept to me. It's become very clear, even just these past couple weeks that you can't tell anyone anything they don't want to hear. Don't waste your breath.
So I turn to my Bible and God tells me He will give it into my hands... Do what He has commanded you. Okay sweetness number 1 for listening. Number two is why couldn't Pam Bickel have been my words and read her blog to this person right from my mouth.
http://ihopewedance.blogspot.com/
Blog from today = All My Heart. Preach Preacha's wife. Amen to you. The words were spoken just as if the Spirit was talking through you, which He was.
" Sure, I've always loved Jesus - but I think that we miss out on this so much. To love Him to this depth is a gift that he wants to give us. You may ask - How do I get that deep with Jesus? I want to love him to my very core but how do I feel it there? I would answer you by saying that you have to deny yourself completely. "
The Bickel Family Rocks at Life and Together non the less. Love them. :)
So I turn to my Bible and God tells me He will give it into my hands... Do what He has commanded you. Okay sweetness number 1 for listening. Number two is why couldn't Pam Bickel have been my words and read her blog to this person right from my mouth.
http://ihopewedance.blogspot.com/
Blog from today = All My Heart. Preach Preacha's wife. Amen to you. The words were spoken just as if the Spirit was talking through you, which He was.
" Sure, I've always loved Jesus - but I think that we miss out on this so much. To love Him to this depth is a gift that he wants to give us. You may ask - How do I get that deep with Jesus? I want to love him to my very core but how do I feel it there? I would answer you by saying that you have to deny yourself completely. "
The Bickel Family Rocks at Life and Together non the less. Love them. :)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Future
I've been thinking a lot lately how I feel like I missed my boat (even though I know I didn't). Sometimes I let my thoughts linger there a bit too long. But really, I desire God. Part of me thinks it would be so pimp if I were graduating from Moody right now, or in my last year at Eternity Bible College, surfing, and knowing Chan personally (i'm getting sick of the podcast relationship... it's time to move to the next level). Part of me is unsure of why I am not doing any of the above - but the other part knows exactly why I am not. Because, first of all, I really didn't know about any of these until a year or so ago... EBC would be months ago. And second, because I don't think that is what God had in store for me, or, I'd be there.
Sometimes I try to play out the future of what may happen by my surrounding circumstances (people, work, relationships, life). Most of the time I end up in California because that is where Emily will most likely be and I'll follow her to the ends of the earth. It's like six degrees to California for me - and I pick the most absurd ways to get there too. Non of which are logical, because the God I'm in love with is CrAzY and completely willing to stir things up. I really do wonder what will happen. I think that is the most fun though. I'll never know until it happens and when it does, I have to buckle up and go along for the ride. Let Him "throw me into the fire" as Cliff would put it.
I feel it in my heart. I'm ready. But really I'm sure I'm not. I can never know what God has for me and I think I can only prepare so much for what might happen and the rest will be "on-the-job-training". I'm so very thankful that at this point in time my heart is truly breaking for those who don't know Jesus and love him dearly. I ask God so much to just break my heart and though it's breaking it's nothing compared to the love God feels for them... this I am sure of.
I'm not sure I have much else to say, except that I want more followers. :)
Sometimes I try to play out the future of what may happen by my surrounding circumstances (people, work, relationships, life). Most of the time I end up in California because that is where Emily will most likely be and I'll follow her to the ends of the earth. It's like six degrees to California for me - and I pick the most absurd ways to get there too. Non of which are logical, because the God I'm in love with is CrAzY and completely willing to stir things up. I really do wonder what will happen. I think that is the most fun though. I'll never know until it happens and when it does, I have to buckle up and go along for the ride. Let Him "throw me into the fire" as Cliff would put it.
I feel it in my heart. I'm ready. But really I'm sure I'm not. I can never know what God has for me and I think I can only prepare so much for what might happen and the rest will be "on-the-job-training". I'm so very thankful that at this point in time my heart is truly breaking for those who don't know Jesus and love him dearly. I ask God so much to just break my heart and though it's breaking it's nothing compared to the love God feels for them... this I am sure of.
I'm not sure I have much else to say, except that I want more followers. :)
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Video Time
I'm not sure what to think right now. My heart if overwhelmed with the fact that there are so many people out there who first of all don't want anything to do with God. Or second of all, know so much about him that they can give a good answer on camera, but turn around and live another life.
I'm said that Jordan, Jericho, and Joshua were not at qdoba tonight. Also that my friend was not at Jimmy Johns.
My heart is upset at the man at caribou and also at the man on the corner telling us about the government and also about the two men who would not even talk to us about anything that had to do with God. It hurt more than when people said that God meant nothing to them because at least then they acknowledge Him.
I don't know.
I'm said that Jordan, Jericho, and Joshua were not at qdoba tonight. Also that my friend was not at Jimmy Johns.
My heart is upset at the man at caribou and also at the man on the corner telling us about the government and also about the two men who would not even talk to us about anything that had to do with God. It hurt more than when people said that God meant nothing to them because at least then they acknowledge Him.
I don't know.
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