belong

My entire life i feel like i've gone in and out of stages of belonging. Right now, i feel like i'm on the outside.

I think a vital part to being a Christian is belonging to a group of Christians and feeling at home (church). It's been very hard lately because i've been searching for a new Church to attend. Its rough going from church to church. It's almost tiring and the complete opposite of what Church should be. :/

So that's my life now and I don't feel like I can share more right now. Sorry :)

August 8, 2009

I've been sitting at Caribou for hours. I opened up my journal and this is what i wrote:
**
I often wonder how close we can come to You. And i know the answer is all up to us, but can we walk with you? Can i truly hear your voice and talk with you? I know you are there, but sometimes i don't hear you. Am I not listening? Am I unable to understand your language? How close can we come? Could I ever feel your hand touch mine?
**
I stopped writing because "The Stand" by Hillsong came on. Lyrics:
**
So what could i say?
So what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God,
completely to you.

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord, to you, surrendered
All I am is yours!
**
In this moment all I could hear was the voice of God telling me that this needs to be my creed. That I need to be completely His and I will find the answer to my question. Then, "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin, came on. Lyrics:
**
And I will rise
When He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise
**
Do I need to explain that? And finally I read Psalm 143. It is an amazing psalm. "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thrists for you like a parched land." and "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for i have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you i lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for i hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

Amen.

Gospel Conference Part 1

I of course was listening to a podcast from cornerstone in Simi Valley, California. This was the kick off of their conference right before easter this year. This guy Jeff V something or other was speaking. Amazing. He was a guest from out of town and his passion was amazing. He was so awsesome that 10 minutes into it, someone so kindly brought him water so he wouldn't die from being so excited. I could blog just about his great speaking, but it goes much deeper than that.

Here are some of the things that stood out to me:

1. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
Yes, I know that is a verse and very well known at that, but last night it truly popped. He went on to talk about sin and how long we dwell on it. Maybe when we first start out it can be days at a time before we go to the cross. I know when i first became a Christian i struggle a lot with forgiving myself for what had happened in the past and especially how i misrepresented Christ by even saying i was a Christian. Basically, we need to know that because Jesus died for us, if we linger over our sin for a few days, we are worshiping ourselves. We expect ourselves to be able to fix it and we are upset with ourselves. We need to recognize what Jesus did for us and undertand that we can't wait a single moment in sin, We are forgiven! We just need to ask.

2. "We do what he has called us to do because of what He did. And it was good. And it was enough."

3. "How does this work, we see to have our hope on heaven. Then, we live in today and we experience difficulty and we find ourselves completely living in this difficulty, completely dependent on ourselves, but we have no problem trusting God for eternity after death. Why do we do that?"

This really hit me, because it's so true. Especially in my life lately. With school and lack of money and other issues, it seems so easy to get wrapped up in my life. But how on earth, if i cannot trust my God for 90 odd years of my life, how can i trust him with the rest of eternity? It makes no sense. I'm done not trusting.

4. "God saved you so that HE can have what HE wants."

Amen.

P90X

Yesterday was the first day of my adventure with emily into P90X land. Let me tell you that we did yoga yesterday (separately) and it was SO boring and so long. I got really hungry mid-way through, and since i was so bored, i heated up my leftover bad for you cheeseburger, ate it, and continued on with the work out. Not a great start.
So, today thinking it will be better i planned on waking up early to do plyometrics and lo and behold, i did not wake up and here i am at work. My plan is to truly do it when i get home. Which i will, because i got excited today thinking about how in shape i will be! AWesome!

I'll give you my updates as needed :)

No Title Blogs are Sweet

I haven't blogged in some time now and it drives me nuts.  

I've felt the weight of a lot of things on my shoulders lately and somehow my time has been spent doing things that don't really matter.  It's funny how the devil can do that.  He makes us so busy doing things that we think are important and a week from now, we'll still be in the same spot, doing the same things.  I haven't spent time blogging.  I haven't spent time playing guitar.  I haven't spent time reading things other than the Bible.  It's like all my time that I did that expanded my thoughts and relationship with God I can't seem to find time to do anymore. 

Don't get me wrong, my essentials are still there.  I still read and I still pray.  I still love God. But somehow in the midst of all the chaos, everything else that was so dear to my heart has fallen away.  Time can be so life giving or life taking.... Kairos and Kronos (thanks Cliff).  It's so true though.  

When was the last time I was at Starbucks just because I had nothing to do and I spent hours listening to Chan and reading the Bible and journaling?  Your guess is as good as mine.  When is the last time Emily and I walked 4 miles to sit at Starbucks and write on post-it notes.  Which by the way are the coolest things ever and I will blog about them in my future blogs.  

What happens to our time?  And what truly is important?  How do we figure this out?  How do we know that how we are spending our time is where God wants us even if that means sacrificing things we loved to do?  When do we get our time back?

Rich Sheep in Thailand

I started listening to Dave Ramsey's financial peace university cd's. Sweet. They are pretty legit, and full of common sense things that we all seem to have a hard time putting into practice. Today I flipped open to 1 chronicles 29. It is an awe some chapter. Verse nine really stuck out to me. It said, "The people rejoiced at the willing response of their leaders, for they had given freely and wholeheartedly to the LORD." Then verse 14 that emily so kindly pointed out. "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you , and we have given you only what comes from your hand." So lesson number one, everything comes from our Lord God Almighty. Lesson number two, we need to give back to the one who gave us everything. Lesson number three, I need to be better with my money.

Now, I'm in starbucks listening to Chan. I'm in Love Part 2. As I'm listening I doodle out the word Thailand with a question mark in bubble letters and neatly color it in. And what have you, Chan plays a video for his people and not 10 seconds after i finish coloring, I hear something to the effect (my statistics might be off), "Every day more than 2000 kids are sold into the sex trafficing industry." WHAT?! If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Honestly, I haven't thought much about Thailand and saving prostitutes. But just one day I think about it, and then God affirms it. Alright, So How does this happen?? We'll just wait and see.

Chan goes on, he's telling me to visually picture the scene in Mathew 25:31-46. The Sheep and the Goats. The story of where he separates the two. And I wanted, with all my heart, to be a sheep on His right side so I could hear him say, "Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take you inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me somehting to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." Do I do any of these things? My heart broke at that moment to just be near Jesus.

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. - Philippians 3:10-11

fireworks

I decided that they aren't my favorite... So I'm blogging through the finale. And because emily is not here. If she were here I wouldn't be allowed on the phone.

Basically I'm really wet. More like moist and that's even worse. My pants are really heavy because they are so wet. Yuck.

God let the clouds overflow tonight. Then they closed up for the explosions in the sky. Now it's raining again. God is sweet like that. Love him :)