REunite

Erin was her name.  She was the girl we met the very first time I went out with the 70x7 prostitution street ministry.  She was a white girl.  Short hair.  Eerily familiar.  She was on my side of the van so my window was down and as Donna prayed for her, I just stared at her.  Deep desperation ran through her eyes.  Broken.  Exhausted.  Waiting for the next hit.  But I KNEW her.  How? 

We parted ways, she went one way and we drove another way.  The moment we hit the end of the street I knew, She was friends with my brother.  My brother, who almost two years ago, died of a heroin overdose.  They were friends.  I thought to myself, there is no way.  She looked too different.  Way too different.  I graduated with her brother.  Good friends with her brother actually.  I knew the heavy set, bleached out hair, Erin.  Not the short brown haired, skinny Erin wearing raggedy clothes and an old pair of tennis shoes.  My heart broke.  I was so shook up.  

Last night we went out again.  When we finished Lindsey and I were not ready to be done, so we got dropped at our cars and went out again.  Before this happened we prayed and asked God to show us specific things we needed to know about the people we should find.  Our treasure hunt.  Among other things REUNITE was on our list . We stopped at a coney island to find a “bridgette" on our list.  No dice.  So we drive on our way and just outside the coney island is a women waiting to be bought.  We were going to stop and noticed it was the crazy lady we prayed for earlier so Lindsey said, “keep driving." Then we see the girl next to her.  Grey ragged shirt, brown scraggily hair, a huge mess.  I thought to myself and maybe out loud, “Wait, is that a boy or a girl?" She turns to face us and my immediate response out loud was, “Oh sh** , that’s Erin."  Lindsey thinking nothing says, “Hi Erin, we are from the prayer van, we don’t have food but we would like to pray for you."  

Im looking into her eyes and my heart is pounding and my hands shaking.  Before she answers Lindsey, I look her in the eyes and I point, “What is your last name Erin?" Without hesitation she answers me with the last name I expected to hear.  I almost lost it.  I fumbled for my seat belt, dropped some more four lettered words, covered my mouth as I cannot believe what just came out of it and ran around the back of my car to her.  

I look her dead on and with a hand over my heart I say, “I am Jaime Davis.  I am Mark Davis’s sister." 

"Oh. Sh**,"  She says.  Her heart sinks.  My heart sinks.  I grab her and pull her away from the car and we hug forever it seemed.  She cried.  I cried.  My whole body shook.  I couldn’t even believe who I was holding in my arms, rubbing her back, feeling her boney spine with my hand. 

"How are you? Does your family know what’s happening? Are you working the streets? How are you? How are you? Tell me everything" 

She explains she’s been waiting for her girlfriend for over an hour now.  She hasn’t come back yet.  She is planning on going to rehab in a couple days.  She spoke with her family not too long ago and sometimes she works the streets.  She has to.  There is no other way.  We get in my car and I pray some more for her.  We talk.  "Do you want to be free from this?"

"Everyday"

After Lindsey asks about the relationship she had with my brother she told us, “He was the first person I got high with."

Followed by a mumbled

"It was the hardest funeral I’ve ever been too."  

We prayed for her.  We prayed the chains of addiction would be broke.  The scars on her arms would be gone.  Every area she ever stuck a needle would be healed in the name of Jesus.  The blood in her body would run clean and Jesus would replace it with His.  That She would never desire another high.  That she would have the strength to walk away and to get on the plane to south dakota and start fresh.  That this night would be the first day of the rest of her life.  We called out the destiny and purpose for her life.  

We prayed three times with her and every time we were done she was wiping away her tears.  Lindsey told her she had a vision as we prayed the last time of her living in a nice house, with a family and a husband, with money.  That blessings are coming her way.  

Lindsey gave me twizzlers I never even intended to eat.  And so Erin, starving, gladly accepted our twizzlers with a, “yeah i want those, im fu**ing starving." She got out of the car.  I hugged her again, “I Love you. If you need anything call me.  Today is a new beginning, I fully believe that."  And we went on our way.  

Today as I was praying for her, this verse came to me, Hosea 2:14 

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, 

and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her."

And 15 continues to say, 

"And there I will give her her vineyards

and make the Valley of Achore a door of hope.

And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,

as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt."

Verse 14 is hers.  If you read this, that is what you pray over her.  She will walk out of the darkness.  Lindsey told me last night that me REUNITING with her gives her hope beyond belief.  It reminds her of what will happen if she doesn’t get clean.  My brother’s memory will be a lasting impression of why she needs to get better.  

Lord give her the strength to move on.  Supernaturally interveine.  This God - His way is Perfect.  

Amber

"She’s not with us anymore" 

My heart sank to its deepest.  I knew.  

"What do you mean she’s not with us anymore? Like she’s off the streets? Or she’s gone to be in heaven?"

"She’s passed.  Found her two weeks ago in an alley.  Overdosed on Heroin" 

Detroit seems to chew people up and spit them out. This girl was so beautiful.  She was a child at heart.  Most people would take one look and think prostitute, drug addict, worthless, her fault, her choice, her life, she could change it if she wanted to.  And most people would be completely ignorant, to put it nicely.  

Four weeks ago she spilled her guts to us about how she wanted to be clean.  She just got done with rehab, only had one hit since. “Sorry I’m talking so much, I had to much to drink" with a bottle in her hand.  She applied at a kmart, didn’t have anywhere else to go - so she’s back on the streets.  She had nothing to live for.  A debilitating disease she found out.  She’ll die soon anyway, why not just make it easy on herself and do it.  We offered her a hope that surpasses all understanding.  We prayed with her.  We loved her to our core.  She walked away and chucked her still full bottle into the field.  We all sat shocked that this broken, bruised, and battered girl who never spoke a word before just told us everything.  Everything.  She was done and she wanted out.  We let her know her worth.  Which was much.  

The whole conversation was reminiscent of mine with Mark before he died.  He was hopeless.  He sat there thinking there is no way out.  This recreational drug I did for fun overtook my life and I can’t even tell you when, where, or how it happened… but now I’m here.  And I looked him in the eyes and with a Love that wasn’t mine I told him his worth.  I told him there is hope.  

Six days later he died.  

If you think it’s so easy just to quit, you’re wrong.  Imagine the most hopeless you’ve ever felt and then multiply it by 1000 and that’s how they feel.  There is LITERALLY no escape.  Heroin, to them, is the skin that covers our bodies.  There isn’t even an option for us to take it off - we would never even think to, it protects us, it keeps us living, it is apart of us, we like it, we’ve come to know it, it is what makes us and holds us together.  That is what Heroin is.  There is nothing funny about it.  It’s heart breaking.  

My heart sank knowing that she had a family.  Yes, their battle is over and so is hers, but the emotions that come with that.  She was someones DAUGHTER.  She was someones SISTER.  She had a face.  She had a name.  She had a purpose and a place in life.  She was not some girl on the corner.  

Someone gave birth to her.  Someone carried her for 9 months in their stomach. And somewhere along the way, this life creeped in… inch by inch… step by step… until she opened her eyes one day and said, “where do I go from here? There has got to be more than this." And then one day she took her last breath.  

And no one would ever even blink an eye because of it.  

54 and 12

"He was the 54th person I knew that has died in 12 years. I’m not talking Facebook friends, I am talking 54 close - inner circle - friends of mine that have died in the last 12 years."

My heart broke as one of the girls on the streets shared this story with us. Most of us will probably never see 54 close friends die, let alone have the opportunity to have 54 close friends. In a world where you see another friend die due to overdoses or murders as fast as you change your nailpolish, you have nothing left to do but find a new friend and wait for them to die. At least that is how it seems.

She continued on to talk about her 12 year old daughter and how if she died her daughter would never see her again. Her words, “if I die, I’m a nobody, Detroit isn’t going to contact my family, I’m just another dead girl" and as they came out of her mouth my heart sank even further. I come from the background where my brother was a nobody and Detroit couldn’t even tell my family he was dead until 2 weeks after the fact. The only person to see my brother again was my dad when a Detroit morgue vehicle pulled in our driveway and showed my dad his dead face for identification.

We never saw him again. No open casket. We literally never saw him again. And everyone deserves that.

And I told her that. I told her I never got to see my brother again and he died alone In a field in Detroit and nobody cared. And her daughter deserves to see her again. And she cried.

This was the first time ever she has expressed interest in leaving the streets. And for that we are hopeful because if we don’t have hope we have nothing. We will never lose hope for these girls. What we see seems impossible but we belong to a God who is the God of Impossible.

blessings

Today was my last day at school forever. It was sad and I cried my eyes out on thursday thinking about having to take my stuff home. And as of now I still haven't cried, but I'm sure its soon going to happen. I loved being there, I loved every moment of it. Well, I guess not every moment but that's okay. I loved learning about hair and I loved meeting all the people I did and the wonderful educators at my school. It was all so wonderful.

So today, I woke up super late and came to school with 4 minutes to spare on the timeclock. My beautiful friends decorated my mirror and my station. I also got funfetti cupcakes from suzanne. :) and chocolates from jessie. :) from godiva :) At the beginning of my day, carolann, one of my regular guests, came in just to give me flowers and wished me goodluck and went on her way. It was such a surprise and it touched my heart. The jessie's mom came in and brought me beautiful daisies and bought us smoothies. Around 2 o'clock my very pretty paul mitchel small group lovely lady Kelly came and surprised me with lilies :). She is so special and it meant so much because I didn't even expect anything like that what-so-ever. She is so good and so amazIng and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and I love her so much. And then in my head, my last appointment was Emily and we laughed a lot together while I washed her dirty hair. (That was in my head).

So my last day was so wonderul and I enjoyed it very much. I love everyone and will miss them so much. God truly blessed me in so many ways today and I love Him so much.

Thank you.

Ps. I went to slows and ate good food.

To Choose.

Def: To select from a number of possibilities; pick by preference

God has been speaking to me through this word a lot this week. It's in the book of haggai, where it hit me first. Haggai 2:23
"On that day, declares the Lord of hosts, I will take you Zerubbabel my servent, the son of Shealtiel, declares the Lord, and make you a signet ring, for I have chosen you, declares the Lord of hosts."
I just thought it was so neat that God chose us. And He did.

I went to watch the movie, "Date Night" with a friend today and the last words of the movie made my heart melt in a way that only Jesus can do. He said to his wife, "I'd do it all again, I'd choose you. I choose you everyday."
And God just brought this to light for me. He chose me. Out of a number of possibilities, He chose ME. He picked me by preference.

To choose is such a strong action. I believe that people take it for granted. Everyday we choose things. We choose right and wrong. We choose our every action of every moment of the day. Our choices make us who we are. We choose people to love and to spend time with and to be friends with. And if God chooses to be with us, well, I choose Him back. And I think if God chooses someone, then that someone should choose Him back. Period.

2 things

Two completely random thoughts all tied into one blog! This is exciting!!

1) I was under the impression the veal was vennisen (dear meat however it's spelled). I'm so glad someone told me before a guest at work asked me what veal was. I like dear meat. I don't know if I like veal.

2) God chose me. Haggai told me so. Well I guess the Lord of hosts told Haggai and then Haggai told me. I heard it through the grapevine.

yeah not so much

Emily thinks she's beating me at blogging, therefore, i'm blogging another blog that bloggers all over the world will read. Or not so much. Maybe just emily.

Second Title:
Tattoos:

Sometimes I see tattoos and I think they are disgusting. Other times, I see them and I believe they are a beautiful piece of artwork. I had a friend that said, because he wasn't an artist, and he couldn't draw, that his body was his canvas. Although, he was talking about his clothing, I think it pertains to this category of tattoos also.

I've been obsessed with the idea of writing...
Words,
Quotes,
Whatever. Just letters. Or symbols.
One time I saw a girl who had a half sleeve of starry night on her arm and i thought it was beautiful, but i'm to chicken to pull that off... It's my favorite picture though.

Hephzibah : Isaiah 62:4 meaning, my delight is in her. I tossed the idea of getting that tattooed across my lower back, which would classify me as having a "tramp Stamp" but i thought it would be funny and ironic... but i'd never put it there...


"Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever"
Psalm 73:25-27..............I'm not sure where that one might go.

Jesus.... just written across my wrist or someplace visible to the world.

I would like, The Valley of Dry Bones - Ezekial 37 1-15 just on me. Because it does something to me everytime i read it. Maybe i'd have it tattooed upsidedown so i could read it.. and no one else, unless they wanted to look funny bending up-side-down.

The list is probably longer. But I think God is beautiful. And his words would be Beautiful on me.

The Time Traveler's Wife

In order to escape the reality that i choose to ignore, I have been reading The Time Traveler's Wife. It's wonderful. It is much different (and better) than the movie and reading it makes me judge the people who decided what parts make it into the movie. And it makes me want to be that person who makes the decisions and i also wonder if these decision makers even read the book.
The book reminds me that in the end, no matter the challenges and heartbreaks and tears and laughter, you've lived a life (or years) madly in love. And I think in the end, that makes it worth it. I think clare and henry love each other in a real way. Like real life. The book doesn't hide their struggles. It doesn't hide their mistakes. They definitely are just madly in love with loving each other and would do anything to protect the other. And i like that. Because I think that's how it should be. That's not a fantasy life i've dreamed up. And i don't think it's too much to ask. Just because it's in a book, doesn't mean it doesn't exist in life.
The End.

Forever

There are some things that i never mentioned on this. Not because it was too personal, or because i didn't want people to know, but because they weren't forever. And some things really made me happy, and some things really helped me get through the day. But I refuse to be the girl who talks about the trivial things that are here today, but definitely gone tomorrow. No one needs to waste their time reading it. So, I don't talk about it.
I do talk about God, because He is forever.
I do talk about emily, because she is forever.
I think i've mentioned jon and by marriage, he is forever too.
I guess I haven't talked about my family much and that makes me question their foreverness... i'd like to just give them the benefit of the doubt and say they are forever.
Not much else is forever.
So, now you know, only forever makes it into this blog.

No messing around.

No clue

Sometimes I wonder what life will be like in one year. I guess when it comes down to it, I wonder what my life will be like financially. People say that "it's not about money" but it is. And i don't like that. As Christians, we are suppose to be in the world but not part of it.. or however you'd like to say it. It's not even like I want to buy a new bmw or something. Just simple things like i really need a new pair of shoes because the ones i wear to work are killing me slowly day after day and can I just go and buy a new pair or will i have to wait for a few months after i saved my money. And theirs nothing wrong with saving up for things, but what if i run out of milk and eggs.. maybe bread too all at once. Can I go that day and buy them all fresh? I can't today.
So i was in the dressing room trying on a pair of pants, which were not expensive and I thought about the idea of saving up a whole bunch of money and flying out to california to go shopping with emily like I said I would. It seems so far fetched right now, but I wonder if I'll ever be able to do it. Because I will... even if it takes me years to save... I will. The whole "finacial stress" thing is so dumb. And at this point i don't really feel that stressed, i guess i'm use to it. I just think it's really a pain. I don't believe we were meant to live like that. I would love it if I had a whole farm of chickens and I traded my eggs for emily's tomatoes and rob's deliciously fresh milk. Why can't it be like that anymore? Who created money? Dumb.

What will it be like when I have a real person job? Will that day ever come. It seems so far away, yet i know it's so close. And the best part (or sad whichever way you choose to look at it) is that i'm so excited to assist people and just get tips. Or just make a flat rate of a few hundred a week. Which is nothing compared to what other people make in the world. But then it is tons compared to what other people make. I'm just excited to get paid.

Absolam

I have yet to find a real meaning behind the name Absolam in the Bible. But it holds deep significance to me ever since Emily and I created a scene at a bar months back at a punk rock show.

I don't remember the exact extent of how things happened but basically a man came up and tried talking to us and basically just wanted us or maybe just emily and our response as typical was, "Do you know Jesus?" Because what a better question to ask if you wanted someone A) to leave you alone or B) talk to you about Jesus duh. Well in our case we did not get anything that we expected but instead went into a lengthy time of prayer and intense spiritual warfare.

The man was possessed in my mind. There is a difference between being possessed and being afflicted by unclean spirits. After the question, he showed us his cross necklace. Then He showed us the cross that he had branded into his chest. After that, there was no question in what we were dealing with. Emily started talking to him and I started praying for her and him. His anger raged and his muscles flexed to the point where people were looking at us. To the point that Ted wanted to come over and help us but i told him to go away. He wasn't going to hurt us, though he could have if we were stupid.

It was a heated conversation and very different. In the end he told us he was Absolam as emily repeated to him that Jesus Reigns. And any normal person would have called her crazy and walked away but for some reason as his muscles flexed and his anger raged he stuck around to hear that "Jesus Reigns" And rightly so, because He does and this guy needed to hear that. It was a good night. A good night for learning what it means to be spiritually drained. And that is what Emily was.

God does strange things. And exciting stories like this seem obsolete months after, but they aren't.

I love you.

Jesus loves you more.

Moments

Tim H. shared his story tonight at lighthouse. It was an amazing story of life and fear and God of course. The kairos feast was after and i was so very excited to see the books we might be reading. One was donald millers new book, "a million miles in a thousand years" or something like that. So Tim and Donald actually do go together. Tim shared a story of a mission he went on in Nycity and preached the gospel to a subway car. Donald Miller writes a book about life and moments and I read the inside flap and it talked about how a guy wrote down every memory he ever had because if he doesn't remember then it fails to exist in his life. He wants to remember it all. Significant or not.

So I got to thinking and I want to have a significant life. I want to be the lady at the dinner table and her grandkids look at her in amazement as she shares her life stories with them. And She has so many that her kids still listen because they haven't heard them all. I want to be able to tell a good story. I want to make my taco bell trips life stories. I want to tell stories of extraordinary efforts for Jesus. And extraordinary doesn't necessarily mean you had a gun held to your head and you shared the gospel with him and he accepted Jesus and you live to tell. Extraordinary could just be the things we forget. So my next blogs will be my memories. My extraordinary feats that may seam mundane but remembered are inspiring.

Coffee

I don't know if I've blogged about it, but if I have you'll (meaning emily most likely who reads my blog) will have to deal with it again.

I really want to like coffee. A lot actually. I see pictures of piping hot coffee with little bubbles on top because it's just been poured in the really awesome looking mug and i want to drink it. Not because it looks good or because I know it tastes delicious (because i think it tastes nasty and therefore looks nasty) but because when i think of coffee I think of really awesome things. Things like sitting in a coffee shop getting to know someone and you've got your hand held firm to this wonderful cup of coffee. Or sitting on a couch in front of a warm fire place, with a blanket wrapped around you, your best friend next to you and your talking about life with two hands grasping one mug and sipping ever so carefully. Or.... reading a wonderful book sipping coffee.

There's so many things that could be going on with cup of coffee. And when I say coffee i don't mean a coffee drenched in white mocha or wonderfully sugary flavors, but a plain black cup of coffee. And I miss all those moments and have to settle with a cup of tea, or a wonderfully sugary coffee. And it's just not the same. It's a completely different effect.

As for now, I don't think i'll ever like coffee. It would take a major life changing moment, like drink coffee or die.

All things New

God takes us through seasons in our life. Good things and bad. Regardless the outcome, we always get a fresh start. Soon, I will have to really buckle down and find a new job. Soon, my soul mate will be gone and living in california. Soon, I will be done with school. Soon, I will be living at my parents house again.

Every comfort that I may or may not really have is about to be shattered to pieces with only bits of old hanging on. I'm excited. Truly. A new job opportunity means I'll have money to make it to school when i have to start driving (so not looking forward to that). It also means I'll get to meet new people. Expand my horizons a little. I'm looking forward to wherever He places me.
Emily leaving is bittersweet for me. I'm so excited for her new start in California. i know it will be hard, but it will be so fun at the same time. Sometimes I long for a new start like she is getting the opportunity to do. I'm not exactly sure how my days will look like with out her in them. I suppose they'd look like they did when I didn't call her my soul mate but just some chick i thought was way too good and much too in love with Jesus to be seen with the likes of me. I like these days much better so I'd rather not go back. I will have exciting times in California with her now :) There's so much that could happen and I'm so very excited.
Being done with school is a joy that needs a whole blog all to it's own. Let's just say I'm really really excited for that and super anxious to find out where I end up!
Moving back home is very nerve racking to me. I have no idea what will happen or come of that. I truly have to trust that God will do what He needs to do and I pray He leads me every step of the way.

I'm ready for new things. I embrace them with open arms.

Onething'09

God is so very good. All the way before time. He always has been. Rob, Andrew, and I drove down in my Grandpa's sweet Honda. And that alone is a story in itself. But God is so very good.

We got there Tuesday and stayed until Thursday. Pretty much the world is ending and we need to love Jesus as much as we can in the same way He loves us. Really though, God is doing something amazing in the hearts of believers. Something more than what we have experienced before. His Spirit will be manifested in ways that most people believed does not happen anymore. I watched it first hand among the thousands of people at onething.

Worship was awesome. We worshiped for over an hour each time and about 4 songs in that whole time. Legitimately.

Words cannot describe how amazing it was. I wish more people experienced it with us. I would not have changed a thing about it.

Rend

I've been having a hard time reading the Bible lately without looking words up. It's actually quite annoying because i don't have a dictionary and always have to do it on my phone. So, I need a dictionary.

But really, I don't know how I read the Bible before. All the words I look up are common words, that when read in context are easily figured out, but when you find the meaning it changes everything. (at least for me it does) I'll show you:

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christs behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2 corinthians 5:20

ambassadors: a diplomatic official of the highest rank appointed and accredited as representative in residence by one government or sovereign to another, usually for a specific length of time
: a diplomatic official heading his or her country's permanent mission.
Appeal: an earnest or urgent request, entreaty or supplication
Implore: to appeal to in supplication; beseech to beg for urgently; entreat
Reconcile: to reestablish a close relationship between.

So we look at it differently
We are therefore Christ's diplomatic official heading our permanent mission, as though God were making his urgent request through us. We beg you urgently on Christ's behalf: Reestablish a close relationship with God.

It just makes it more real to me.
Today i was reading joel. I came across the passage that says, "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."

I looked up Rend and found a meaning i wasn't expecting .... to tear or split apart or into pieces violently. And i thought to myself that God is constantly asking us to do that. To tear our hearts apart. I think sometimes our hearts get very cold and hard. When we voluntarily open our hearts to God, we have no choice but to let our hearts be torn apart, because that is exactly what He does when we let him... He is a jealous God. He wants all of our hearts, not pieces.

Onething09

It only feels right to blog about it...

So we are suppose to be at onething09 right now. I can't explain to you how I feel about it. It's sad, but it somehow feels right. I truly believe if God wanted us there, he would let us be there. But he really hasn't opened doors and I have to believe that is for a reason. I was looking at the schedule today and realized, we could still leave today because we'd still get a full day tuesday, wednesday, and thursday. And inside, my heart aches because I know it will be big. I got an email today from them telling me that Loren someone is coming last minute because he felt led to speak. He was with youth with a mission and My heart ached a little more. But like I said, it feels right in some sick and twisted way.

I'm intrigued by how spirit led ihop is. I really am. I haven't really seen this in such a big organization before and I want to be a part of it. Big time.

Emily the Weaseler.

First of all, I'm blogging 8 blogs because for some reason 8 came out of my mouth and I aspire to a better blogger than emily and she said that I had to do 8 because 8 came out of my mouth. And i told her not to hold me accountable to anything that I ever say, but she is.

Second of all, my blog's title was simply suppose to be Emily, but for some reason Emily the Weaseler came up highlighted and then it just stayed there. So I'm going to look up Weaseler and make sure its not bad and it might not even be a word... It's not a word, so it stays.

Emily is leaving me to live with her soon to be husband Jonathon Ketchum. And her new name will be Emily Renee Ketchum, which I think sounds good. She's not only leaving me, but she's moving all the way to California. So, two (maybe 3) good things come out of this. 1) I get a new friend because I'll no longer be friends with Emily Bickel but I will now be friends with Emily Ketchum. I just hope I like her as much as Emily Bickel. Only time will tell. 2) I get to hang out in California all the time. 3) Im deciding that there's more than 3 possible good things. 4) I will no longer have to deal with having no matching socks, but jon will :) sorry jon. 5) I'll get to hang out with a Little Jon or Little Emily when they decide to have babies in less than 8 years. 6) When Jon becomes more of a rockstar and I save up my money like I said I would, we'll get to go shopping in california, which I've never done before. 7)I'll actually get to hang out with zechariah because Emily won't be there to hog him.

So, I'm sure there are more than 7 amazing things that will happen when emily moves away. I'll keep you posted. But really, she's the most amazing friend I've ever had and I'll miss her dearly but Jon will be much more blessed than I to married to here soon! :)

belong

My entire life i feel like i've gone in and out of stages of belonging. Right now, i feel like i'm on the outside.

I think a vital part to being a Christian is belonging to a group of Christians and feeling at home (church). It's been very hard lately because i've been searching for a new Church to attend. Its rough going from church to church. It's almost tiring and the complete opposite of what Church should be. :/

So that's my life now and I don't feel like I can share more right now. Sorry :)

August 8, 2009

I've been sitting at Caribou for hours. I opened up my journal and this is what i wrote:
**
I often wonder how close we can come to You. And i know the answer is all up to us, but can we walk with you? Can i truly hear your voice and talk with you? I know you are there, but sometimes i don't hear you. Am I not listening? Am I unable to understand your language? How close can we come? Could I ever feel your hand touch mine?
**
I stopped writing because "The Stand" by Hillsong came on. Lyrics:
**
So what could i say?
So what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God,
completely to you.

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord, to you, surrendered
All I am is yours!
**
In this moment all I could hear was the voice of God telling me that this needs to be my creed. That I need to be completely His and I will find the answer to my question. Then, "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin, came on. Lyrics:
**
And I will rise
When He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise
**
Do I need to explain that? And finally I read Psalm 143. It is an amazing psalm. "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thrists for you like a parched land." and "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for i have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you i lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for i hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

Amen.