Rend

I've been having a hard time reading the Bible lately without looking words up. It's actually quite annoying because i don't have a dictionary and always have to do it on my phone. So, I need a dictionary.

But really, I don't know how I read the Bible before. All the words I look up are common words, that when read in context are easily figured out, but when you find the meaning it changes everything. (at least for me it does) I'll show you:

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christs behalf: Be reconciled to God. 2 corinthians 5:20

ambassadors: a diplomatic official of the highest rank appointed and accredited as representative in residence by one government or sovereign to another, usually for a specific length of time
: a diplomatic official heading his or her country's permanent mission.
Appeal: an earnest or urgent request, entreaty or supplication
Implore: to appeal to in supplication; beseech to beg for urgently; entreat
Reconcile: to reestablish a close relationship between.

So we look at it differently
We are therefore Christ's diplomatic official heading our permanent mission, as though God were making his urgent request through us. We beg you urgently on Christ's behalf: Reestablish a close relationship with God.

It just makes it more real to me.
Today i was reading joel. I came across the passage that says, "Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity."

I looked up Rend and found a meaning i wasn't expecting .... to tear or split apart or into pieces violently. And i thought to myself that God is constantly asking us to do that. To tear our hearts apart. I think sometimes our hearts get very cold and hard. When we voluntarily open our hearts to God, we have no choice but to let our hearts be torn apart, because that is exactly what He does when we let him... He is a jealous God. He wants all of our hearts, not pieces.

Onething09

It only feels right to blog about it...

So we are suppose to be at onething09 right now. I can't explain to you how I feel about it. It's sad, but it somehow feels right. I truly believe if God wanted us there, he would let us be there. But he really hasn't opened doors and I have to believe that is for a reason. I was looking at the schedule today and realized, we could still leave today because we'd still get a full day tuesday, wednesday, and thursday. And inside, my heart aches because I know it will be big. I got an email today from them telling me that Loren someone is coming last minute because he felt led to speak. He was with youth with a mission and My heart ached a little more. But like I said, it feels right in some sick and twisted way.

I'm intrigued by how spirit led ihop is. I really am. I haven't really seen this in such a big organization before and I want to be a part of it. Big time.

Emily the Weaseler.

First of all, I'm blogging 8 blogs because for some reason 8 came out of my mouth and I aspire to a better blogger than emily and she said that I had to do 8 because 8 came out of my mouth. And i told her not to hold me accountable to anything that I ever say, but she is.

Second of all, my blog's title was simply suppose to be Emily, but for some reason Emily the Weaseler came up highlighted and then it just stayed there. So I'm going to look up Weaseler and make sure its not bad and it might not even be a word... It's not a word, so it stays.

Emily is leaving me to live with her soon to be husband Jonathon Ketchum. And her new name will be Emily Renee Ketchum, which I think sounds good. She's not only leaving me, but she's moving all the way to California. So, two (maybe 3) good things come out of this. 1) I get a new friend because I'll no longer be friends with Emily Bickel but I will now be friends with Emily Ketchum. I just hope I like her as much as Emily Bickel. Only time will tell. 2) I get to hang out in California all the time. 3) Im deciding that there's more than 3 possible good things. 4) I will no longer have to deal with having no matching socks, but jon will :) sorry jon. 5) I'll get to hang out with a Little Jon or Little Emily when they decide to have babies in less than 8 years. 6) When Jon becomes more of a rockstar and I save up my money like I said I would, we'll get to go shopping in california, which I've never done before. 7)I'll actually get to hang out with zechariah because Emily won't be there to hog him.

So, I'm sure there are more than 7 amazing things that will happen when emily moves away. I'll keep you posted. But really, she's the most amazing friend I've ever had and I'll miss her dearly but Jon will be much more blessed than I to married to here soon! :)

belong

My entire life i feel like i've gone in and out of stages of belonging. Right now, i feel like i'm on the outside.

I think a vital part to being a Christian is belonging to a group of Christians and feeling at home (church). It's been very hard lately because i've been searching for a new Church to attend. Its rough going from church to church. It's almost tiring and the complete opposite of what Church should be. :/

So that's my life now and I don't feel like I can share more right now. Sorry :)

August 8, 2009

I've been sitting at Caribou for hours. I opened up my journal and this is what i wrote:
**
I often wonder how close we can come to You. And i know the answer is all up to us, but can we walk with you? Can i truly hear your voice and talk with you? I know you are there, but sometimes i don't hear you. Am I not listening? Am I unable to understand your language? How close can we come? Could I ever feel your hand touch mine?
**
I stopped writing because "The Stand" by Hillsong came on. Lyrics:
**
So what could i say?
So what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God,
completely to you.

So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand my soul Lord, to you, surrendered
All I am is yours!
**
In this moment all I could hear was the voice of God telling me that this needs to be my creed. That I need to be completely His and I will find the answer to my question. Then, "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin, came on. Lyrics:
**
And I will rise
When He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise, on eagle's wings
Before my God
fall on my knees,
and rise...
I will rise
**
Do I need to explain that? And finally I read Psalm 143. It is an amazing psalm. "I spread out my hands to you; my soul thrists for you like a parched land." and "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for i have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you i lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for i hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

Amen.

Gospel Conference Part 1

I of course was listening to a podcast from cornerstone in Simi Valley, California. This was the kick off of their conference right before easter this year. This guy Jeff V something or other was speaking. Amazing. He was a guest from out of town and his passion was amazing. He was so awsesome that 10 minutes into it, someone so kindly brought him water so he wouldn't die from being so excited. I could blog just about his great speaking, but it goes much deeper than that.

Here are some of the things that stood out to me:

1. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
Yes, I know that is a verse and very well known at that, but last night it truly popped. He went on to talk about sin and how long we dwell on it. Maybe when we first start out it can be days at a time before we go to the cross. I know when i first became a Christian i struggle a lot with forgiving myself for what had happened in the past and especially how i misrepresented Christ by even saying i was a Christian. Basically, we need to know that because Jesus died for us, if we linger over our sin for a few days, we are worshiping ourselves. We expect ourselves to be able to fix it and we are upset with ourselves. We need to recognize what Jesus did for us and undertand that we can't wait a single moment in sin, We are forgiven! We just need to ask.

2. "We do what he has called us to do because of what He did. And it was good. And it was enough."

3. "How does this work, we see to have our hope on heaven. Then, we live in today and we experience difficulty and we find ourselves completely living in this difficulty, completely dependent on ourselves, but we have no problem trusting God for eternity after death. Why do we do that?"

This really hit me, because it's so true. Especially in my life lately. With school and lack of money and other issues, it seems so easy to get wrapped up in my life. But how on earth, if i cannot trust my God for 90 odd years of my life, how can i trust him with the rest of eternity? It makes no sense. I'm done not trusting.

4. "God saved you so that HE can have what HE wants."

Amen.

P90X

Yesterday was the first day of my adventure with emily into P90X land. Let me tell you that we did yoga yesterday (separately) and it was SO boring and so long. I got really hungry mid-way through, and since i was so bored, i heated up my leftover bad for you cheeseburger, ate it, and continued on with the work out. Not a great start.
So, today thinking it will be better i planned on waking up early to do plyometrics and lo and behold, i did not wake up and here i am at work. My plan is to truly do it when i get home. Which i will, because i got excited today thinking about how in shape i will be! AWesome!

I'll give you my updates as needed :)